The Internet is Not Your Friend

The Internet has brought us many innovative tools and has ushered in a whole new era in how we communicate. Among it’s mixed blessings (and I’m counting the world of porn and “things I’d rather not know people did” as part of that mixed bag) is the public journaling called a blog, you know, that thing you are reading right now. The word “blog” was at the top of Merriam-Webster's list of "words of the year" in 2004. For those who don’t know:

A weblog, which is usually shortened to blog, is a type of website where entries are made (such as in a journal or diary), displayed in a reverse chronological order. Blogs often provide commentary or news and information on a particular subject, such as food, politics, or local news; some function as more personal online diaries. A typical blog combines text, images, and links to other blogs, web pages, and other media related to its topic. Most blogs are primarily textual although some focus on photographs (photoblog), videos (vlog), or audio (podcasting). The word blog can also be used as a verb, meaning to maintain or add content to a blog.

Now, I blog as a means of increasing my reading audience. I’ll use writer Wrath James White as an example. There are people who won’t pick up some of his fiction because he writes extreme horror. However, he has gained a whole new set of fans on the strength of his non-fiction writing in his blog. Professional writers, such as myself, use their blogs to drive traffic to their web site and otherwise give their readers something to read between projects. It is their public professional face. Sometimes, it can be a bully pulpit. Sometimes, since many blogs are little more than personal journals for public consumption, they are a place to gossip.

Whole friend communities can form circles at LiveJournal, Xanga, MySpace, etc. Technology has shaped how packs of friends move as a herd. Cell phone communities, Instant Messaging (and their away messages), as well as blogs can take the pack mentality and give an ease to the pack turning on one of their own.

The take home lesson for me has been to further drill into my head the need to be careful what I say. If I write a blog that I have to pull down later (because I’ve come to my senses and realized it shouldn’t have gone up in the first place), then I haven’t done my job. I haven’t had the conversations I needed to have. Not to mention the fact, and I hate to break it to you, but once you post something on the Internet, it’s out there somewhere. In person is one thing, words can be misquoted, taken out of context. On blogs, in chats, on message boards, my words are only a couple of clicks away from being passed around, context intact. Available to be screen captured and forwarded to all relevant parties. Saved in files on some computer to be used against me later. All the delete buttons in the world aren’t stopping folks from reading it. It’s still there somewhere. Forever.

More importantly, words said, blogged, or forwarded can’t be unsaid.

The anonymity of the Internet, from oh-so-clever screen names to not having to face folks face-to-face, gives too many folks keyboard courage. And the immediacy to write ... NOW! Back away from the Internet. Sometimes silence (and time) is your friend. I know some of you messageboard warriors/flamers love to have the last word, but there comes a point when being “right” isn’t worth sacrificing the relationship.


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Fleas

My cat has fleas.















(While my cat is a black long hair, this isn’t an actual picture of him, but it certainly looks a lot like he feels right now)

Sitting here, having already gotten scratched and splashed while combing through his fur while giving him a bath, it got me to thinking. (Now go with me here - this is the third bath I’ve had to give the guy in a fairly short period of time, so it’s given me far too much time on my hands.)

It’s not entirely his fault: he’s an indoor cat and we took it for granted that he wouldn’t have a flea problem. The previous owners had dogs and a (now) obvious flea problem. So we’re partly paying for someone else’s fleas. It occurred to me that sin is much like fleas. Sin can latch onto us, though sometimes we may leap into them (or inadvertently play among them). Draining us. Bleeding us. Keeping us from living as free and healthy a life as we should be.

Now, we have adopted him into our family and with such adoption comes certain responsibilities. Adoption means that we’ve made a commitment to him. Like our kids, we do our best to take care of him, to shield him from the things life throws at him, (until, in the case of my kids, they take care of themselves and are responsible for the consequences of their own choices - we can shield people from choices they freely make. We can only hope to teach them to make better choices).

Sometimes, we have to deal with fleas.

Sometimes our fleas get on others - innocents, even (as my kids have been finding out). Sometimes we are treated within community and sometimes in times of isolation. At no time does that mean you have been abandoned. There are many ways to treat fleas, all of them inconvenient at best. It means I may occasionally get scratched while trying to bathe him or get messy as I hold him in my arms combing through his hair. And I have to think that this is a picture of how Christ deals with us and our own fleas, patiently combing through the fur of our lives. And I think that answers the question what would Jesus have me do?

I’m still working on the spiritual implications of having to bomb our house.

Twice.

The cost of being community I guess. Family is putting up with fleas until we can get rid of them. (Not quite the poetry of Lilo & Stitch’s “Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.” but it will have to do.)


P.S.

Dear Poppy Z. Brite,

I don’t know if this qualifies me as “a true-blue, A-level cat lover,” but I think I’m in the conversation.


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I’ve Been Tagged - Books for the Mind and Soul

Rod Garvin "tagged" me with the following prompts on books that I've read (and would like to read).

One book that changed your life: Autobiography of Malcolm X. A life spent learning, growing, and challenging his faith. Nuff said.

One book you've read more than once: A New Kind of Christian by Brian McLaren. It put into words a lot of things that I was feeling about my faith and spiritual journey.

One book you'd want on a desert island, besides the Bible: The Lord of the Rings Trilogy by J.R.R. Tolkien. I know this may get my nerd card revoked, but I’ve only ever made it halfway through Fellowship of the Rings. I couldn’t take the random elf songs. If I’m on a desert island ... well, I can indulge the songs. Maybe even learn the history of Middle Urth. (It’s either that or learn Klingon - there, nerd credentials restored).

One book that made you laugh: Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams. Do I honestly need to explain why?

One book that made you cry: The otherwise hilarious Confederacy of Dunces by John Kennedy Toole. Although, to be fair, I was re-watching the movie Big Fish, and that movie always makes me cry. (It’s one of the few movies that it’s okay for guys to cry at. There aren’t many, so don’t get any strange ideas).

One book you wish had been written: The Autobiography of Pulitzer Prize Winning Author Maurice Broaddus. In light of that novel not having been written, nor likely to ever be written, then I’d settle for the novel I am working on now. The outline alone is killing me.

One book you wish had never been written: The Da Vinci Code. If I never have to hear that title again, I’d be quite pleased. (And Left Behind isn’t too far behind it.)

One book that you've been meaning to read: Song of Solomon by Toni Morrison. I tried reading it once before and decided that I wasn’t smart enough to get it (nor a good enough writer to read it without massive jealousy). She makes me sick - like I don’t ever need to pick up a pen again. Tied for second on that list are Swan Song and Boy’s Life by Robert McCammon.

One book that you are currently reading: I’m way behind on my reading for the year, so I’m reading a bunch of books at a time. The Corrupted by Drew Williams (it’s not published yet, but if it keeps being this good, it should have no problems finding a publishing home). Mudhouse Sabbath by Lauren F Winner. Imaro by Charles Saunders. Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell.

You’re it Rich Vincent and Lauren David.



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BMV Reform - If I Had To ...

BMVs nationwide are the punchlines for sitcoms. They aren’t quite to the level of “lawyer jokes”, but they are everyone’s favorite punching bad (with the Post Office running neck and neck). I suppose it’s easy to make fun of a problem and a lot more difficult to come up with solutions. So I thought I would actually put some thought into looking at what some of the BMV’s true problems are as well what some viable solutions might be (though I don’t think people have given my turn them into branch casinos idea a fair shake).

Our local paper offered some solutions: Privatizing its operations might be a good start. Allowing auto dealers, insurance agents, motor clubs or bank branches to handle title work, vehicle registrations and license plate renewals could help. These options are just scratching the surface.

We ought to bring back as many electronic transactions as we can and put together a system we can put our faith into. Most of the problem starts with PR. A few years ago, the BMV generated their own press. If there were problems, it tried to let folks know in advance rather than an “oops” after the fact. A proactive press liaison, actually making what they are worth, not state pay (more on that later) would be worth their weight in gold. They could let people know:

-In our fervor to lengthen licensing time, we overlooked some unintended consequences. When licenses expired after four years, we had the option to renew our driver’s licenses online one time, thus making it eight years between on site visits to the license branch. Because we switched to six year licenses, our politicians decided that 12 years was too long between photo updates and thus eliminated our online license renewal. Thus, we have to come in every six years.

-Closing of various license branches around the state was a good idea. I know it inconvenienced some, but the BMV, under constant pressure to save money and run more efficiently, lost money on those all the time. Some branches were open only half a day once a week, but rent had to be paid on the building year round.

-They could say, “hey, we’re not ready yet. Our new computer system is crap and our people aren’t trained on them yet.”

The BMV could actually give their employees incentives. Let’s face it, you get what you pay for and nothing moves slower than unmotivated government (bureaucratic) employees. Too many times, government workers are folks who couldn’t get hired anywhere else (or are biding their time to get back into the private sector) and don’t want to work hard. Those who do hustle and bust their behinds aren’t rewarded. In fact, they get the workload of three other people’s jobs, their vacations during June and July cancelled, all in the name of efficiency.

Part of the problem is a matter of an arrogant attitude. Many times, the BMV operates in ways “because it can”/“screw you” attitude. A spirit of hubris extending from the top down of their “family friendly” leadership.

Maybe our paper is onto something. The less government is involved in the process, the better off we seem to be. The BMV is never going to be beloved. If it can’t be feared, like the IRS, then it could at least minimize our hatred of it by staying out of the press with SNAFU after SNAFU.


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BMV Woes - The Never Ending Saga

Gov. Mitch Daniels has made it clear that he's ultimately responsible for the BMV fiasco. He has admitted that the conversion to a new computer system, designed to ensure the accuracy of BMV records, went badly. He's openly stated, "No excuses made."

Once again, I’m faced with an issue that I didn’t care about until it affected me. Earlier this year, we moved. Both my wife and I, no strangers to the vagaries of the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, knew to wait to update our driver’s licenses until they were due to be renewed this year. Luckily my renewal date was in April 2006 B.U. (Before Upgrade); however my wife’s was a few months later, A.U. (After Upgrade).

It took her 4 trips.

There is a proposal by House Democratic leader Pat Bauer to place the BMV under the control of the secretary of state. Now the secretary of state largely oversees the elections as the bulk of their job. One would think that, considering the voting booth screw ups of this past primary season, the secretary of state was already handling the BMV.

Not that I may have any great solutions myself. I doubt I could come up with anything worse than the BMV’s idea to ban clocks at the BMV. Yep, that was an actual plan. As if hiding the clocks would make the waits seem shorter. That might work at casinos, but ... wait a second, why not employ casino logic? The BMV could start passing out free drinks for those waiting around (except for those waiting to take their driving tests). Since we seem to be solving all of the rest of our problems with casinos, why not slip a few slot machines into each BMV branch. I bet more folks will be lining up to go renew their plates.

We can make money and actually make the BMV the destination spot of choice of any government office.

Brilliant!


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Snakes on a Plane

This hasn’t been the summer for great movies. I’m beaten down, tired of searching. I’m giving up. I’ve been accused of “losing touch” with what makes for a good movie (and you critics can just bite me: Underworld: Evolution was not a good movie). Every now and then, however, I will gleefully settle for popcorn movie junk. Yes, sometimes it’s the little things that make me happy. Little plot. Little acting. Little directorial sense. And yet, I’m a happy man.

Snakes on a Plane is not a movie destined for Oscar consideration. It is what it is and doesn’t pretend to be anything else. Let me boil down the carefully constructed plot for those unaware: there are snakes. They’re on a plane. In one of my favorite bits of dialogue, the bad guy explains that he has obviously exhausted every other option. [This is why black people talk in movies. I mean, really? You’ve really exhausted every other option? How many plans do you have to go through--follow me now, cause I don’t think you hear me--how many plans do you have to go through before you get to snakes on a plane? Don’t make me start having church on you in the middle of this review.]

The interest in the final movie product is the culmination of an Internet hype fest. Various web sites, from snakes on a blog to the one that allowed a friend of mine to have Samuel L. Jackson call me and tell me why I need to go see this movie. - the campaign has built a special level of buzz for a, at best, B-movie. Sadly, it may usher in a new era of Internet marketing.

Ever since Amos and Andrew, I’ve been leading a campaign calling for both Nicholas Cage and Samuel L. Jackson to fire their agents. However, I’ve come to realize that they are both nerds are heart. They love to do the occasional genre piece (Nicholas Cage has been rumored for the lead role in just about every super-hero movie in development; and who didn’t hear of how hard Samuel L. Jackson lobbied to be in the Star Wars prequel trilogy?). They simply can’t help themselves.

Samuel L. Jackson has come a long way. He was the “lone brotha sent down the long dark hallway by himself” in Jurassic Park, he was swallowed in mid-rallying speech in Deep Blue Sea (which, fun crap movie aside, still ranks as one of the best death scenes ever), and now he’s staring in his own horror flick. He still pulls off playing the action hero at his age, coasting on the power of his badass persona.

Jackson’s at least is having fun, while many others seem to be walking through the movie, except for Julianna Margulies, who is also no stranger to the occasional odd genre project (The Mists of Avalon, Ghost Ship). To be fair, this may be because they don’t have much to work with. We’re here to see snakes on a plane, not someone attempting their Oscar turn. What we’re left with are stock characters-cum-fodder: a cop partner about to retire; a flight attendants last flight (the equivalent of a cop partner about to retire); a newlywed couple, one of whom is an uneasy flyer; a high maintenance rapper; a high maintenance businessman; and a high maintenance rich girl. Not to mention the “plot” machinations of the “plan”: a criminal boss has to eliminate a witness to him murdering a prosecutor. In other words, a lot of set up, as if it mattered. All the dialogue and “characterization” felt every bit the time filler until the snakes are set loose. The whole film had an ad hoc sense to it, as scenes and dialogue were obviously added in (you can practically see the seams in the movie).

“Do as I say, you live.” –Neville Flynn (Samuel L. Jackson)

At first the snakes seem to follow the rules of horror deconstructed in the Scream movies, going after “sinners” (such as the promiscuous couple) like an Old Testament plague. Now would be the time when I would ordinarily delve into an excursus into the iconic nature of serpents in the Christian story. From the serpent in the garden of Eden, to Moses in Pharaoh’s court and with the nation of Israel, to how Christ came to crush the head of the serpent under his heel. However, seriously, this is Snakes on a Plane. Even for me that would be a stretch.

“It’s all about choices we make.” –Neville Flynn

I could almost make the case that the overall truth of the movie is how we have a responsibility to the truth. The truth sometimes requires sacrifice; doing the right thing isn’t always easy. The prosecutor dies, his “noble gesture”, due to his commitment to the truth and seeing justice done. The witness (Nathan Phillips) has to learn to stand up and do the right thing in light of the truth.

This would be two spiritual touchstones to discuss about this movie ... if you actually decided to turn on your brain for this one. I mean, do I have to remind you? Snakes on a Plane.

Snakes on a Plane is a jump-fest and even though you know it is and the jumps are predictable, you jump nonetheless. Well, I did anyway. Not since Showgirls (yeah, I said it) have I seen a movie so bad it was cheesily good.


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Stephen King’s Desperation

It always kills me when people say that they don’t read Stephen King (or horror in general, for that matter) because they “know” that it’s all blood and gore with no redeeming value. They forget, or are unaware of the fact, that he also wrote the stories that became the movies Stand By Me, The Green Mile, and The Shawshank Redemption.

As I’ve been watching the television series Stephen King’s Nightmares and Dreamscapes, I was struck by how hit and miss the series was. Granted, it was a hit and miss collection, but some stories that worked well on the page didn’t translate especially well to the small screen. Which stands in stark contrast to the adaptation of his book, Desperation. The problem could simply be a matter of scale: sometimes it’s easier to whittle a novel down to a three hour television movie than stretch a short story out to an hour. Mick Garris and Steve Weber must have it in their contracts that they are obligated to be a part of every Stephen King adaptation. However, like most Stephen King productions, the movie starts out great and then fades (in this case, the fade begins once Ron Perlman’s over the top hamming exits the movie).

In terms of plot, the story is fairly straight forward: Desperation, Nevada is a small, rural town run by an insane sheriff, Collie Etragian (Ron Perlman). The sheriff has lured in and trapped passing tourists, terrorizing them, as part of his homicidal spree. Ordinarily, this would be the standard escape from the madman thrill ride, however, King decides to do a deliberate meditation on the age old idea of spirituality as a means to defeat evil. This trick is troublesome to pull off: you don’t want the characters pontifications to get in the way of the atmosphere/story. It doesn’t quite work here either, but it does give us plenty of fodder to mull over.

“Faith isn’t just believing in God, but believing God is sane.” –Davey

One of the captured tourists is a young boy, David “Davey” (bringing to mind the old Davey and Goliath cartoon) Carver, who had recently come into a special relationship with God. The nature of his faith is fleshed out more (and better) in the book. In the television movie, Davey’s faith is presented as a bargaining sort of faith, one barely tested. His friend was dying, Davey prays, and a miracle happens and his friend is healed. “Heal my friend and I’ll do your will” - which isn’t the sort of relationship I would want to have with anyone - plays to how too many relate to God: as some sort of cosmic genie to be bartered with. However, the main theme is how that faith is tested and sustained, not the most common plot to be found in a horror movie.

Davey: “Why are you here?”
Pie: “For the same reason we all are: to love God and serve him.”
Davey: “What am I supposed to do?”

We have choices. We have regrets. “Good old free will” as Davey puts it. Our faith can be inwardly focused, about ourselves, our walks, getting our butt into heaven; where spiritual growth is defined by how deep/vast your Bible knowledge is, how active you are in church related activities and how many people you had led to Christ. Or our spiritual journeys can be outwardly focused, about being a blessing to others. This doesn’t have to be an either/or proposition, but too often this is how it plays out. Ideally, like Davey, we ought to be moved to action, to love others because we are so loved - a faith that reaches beyond ourselves into the lives of those around us.

Mary: “So, what’s the plan?”
Davey: “We do what God tells us to do ... we ought to pray.”

We often wrestle with the problem of evil, whether it is in the form of nature going awry or in the form of the evil we do to one another (though not as often, we face people possessed by extra-dimensional evil). So the issue that people of faith have to deal with (and the most asked question people “outside” of that faith have for them) is trying to figure out God’s will in the face of evil: how God allows evil, senseless violence, to land on the innocent. So most times, my best theological answer to many questions is “I don’t know,” but the questions are worth struggling with and working through. Honestly, what answer would satisfy you? That is why I question the value of such exercises a lot of the time and choose to tread the road of mystery. Some things can’t be taught, they have to be lived. No amount speculation will comfort those truly suffering (nor will the most rational or well framed argument win an “unbeliever”). Some questions have no answers, at least not here and not now.

Yet, He seems to bring people together to do good in the face of evil. There seems to be a plan that we can’t always see. In the shadow of the big showdown with the ultimate evil, the band of survivors recite the Lord’s Prayer. The power of prayer in the face of evil serves to calm them as they seek God’s will; to maintain communication with Him which in itself draws them closer to Him. To trust in Him even when they don’t understand His ways.

That’s faith.

Our faith gives us hope, and in light of that hope, we act. We draw near to the suffering, continue to ask “why?”, and then act in compassion. That is our response to how could God allow this: be the arms of God in comforting the victims of suffering.

Davey: Sometimes God is cruel.
John Edward Marinville: What good is he then? He wants us to love him and serve him, right?

In the last couple hundred years, the image of God as both good and severe, a God that fit readily into our (Old Testament kind of) paradigm, was gradually replaced with that of a one-dimensional, only-good God. The whole God = Love, as in Love is the only dimension of who He is, has its own set of problems. So of course people couldn’t reconcile how a supposedly good God allowed horrible things to happen, especially to the most innocent among us.

We forget that God is also holy. And, like Aslan, the lion from C.S. Lewis’ Chronicles of Narnia, we need the occasional reminder that there is a (righteous) fearful element to holiness. “Make sure you stay alert to these qualities of gentle kindness and ruthless severity that exist side by side in God” (Romans 11:22a, The Message version).

That said, the reality is that God is also love, even in the face of tragedy. Sometimes faith seems crazy. The movie does little more than toss out platitudes, never truly engaging the topic of faith in light of evil. However, as Stephen King’s theme alludes to, we are either in a state of faith or a state of Desperation. And Desperation is no where to be.


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Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles

I know we’ve danced around the topics of language use and social responsibility, so let’s go right to the heart of the beast: what about “the ‘N’ word”? As writers, we know more than others the power of words.

Linda: I haven’t yet written anything that uses the N word, but I’ve read work that used it effectively and other work that didn’t. I can’t say I’ll never use the N word in a piece, perhaps tomorrow I’ll write a poem where that word is needed to say what is coming through me. Depending on how it’s used it can be very powerful or demeaning. Writing is a gift. We each have to honor gifts given by God. I believe in walking the path of least resistance. When I write I let words sing through me without editing. Then I sit down to rewrite. There are many words that are powerful. I respect these words. This is one of them.

L.R.: I don't think we should use the "N" word at all. But, I also think we shouldn't curse. That's not to say I haven't stubbed my toe and yelled out, "shit" or that I haven't been cutoff in traffic and muttered the word "asshole" under my breath. That being said, in a perfect world a lot of things shouldn't and wouldn't happen. Our world is far from perfect. And, in writing, we need to tell the truth, even if we're writing fiction. And, the truth is, the word exists, it means different things to different people, and it's still used very often.

Chesya: Personally, it's banned in my house and in my mouth... but if the character calls for it, then I use it the way the character would from his/her reality. I "try" not to use it in my work, but if I'm doing gansters in a situation, if that's how they speak, that's how they speak.

Wrath: I say it/write it when it's appropriate and feels natural coming from that character. If it's forced it's insulting. The reader can tell when you are just trying to be hip or controversial and with a word that incindiary it should just not be done. Even after I've taken pains to use it only where and when it is natural and appropriate I still usually go through and replace it with "Brother" or "Dog" where I can just to avoid using it too excessively. I'm leery of making it sound acceptable and advocating it's use because I don't find the word acceptable. It is however a reality and avoiding it can sometimes make your writing ring false.

Michelle: I don't use the "N" word and I don't buy into the theory that its repeated use somehow diminishes its negative power. There's some amount of ugly that just will never be erased, and in my opinion, shouldn't be. We never want to send the message that it's ok to come up with ways to offend and abuse an entire group of people because somewhere down the line all will be forgiven. I don't disparage writers who do use it, as long as it serves a specific purpose. If I were writing an historical piece, I might use it sparingly--most likely to jar the reader out of some sort of complacency or idealized vision of "the good ol' days." But to throw it around like the latest and greatest slang word I think is irresponsible.

Brandon: I've used the "n" word numerous times in my stories. I don't have any compunctions about it. Again--I strive to be honest in my work. And the honest truth is that a lot of black people (and non-black folk) use the "n" word. We can tapdance around the issue all we want, but that's the truth. If I'm writing about a certain kind of character, he may use this word, because that's part of his background. I'm not going to sugarcoat these kinds of things in order to avoid some perceived societal taboo. I'm going to write what I feel is the truth.

As a lesson to newbies just beginning to pick up their pens, are there any particular obstacles we face as black writers?

Chesya: White people. [Editor’s note: have I mentioned how tough it can be to get your friends to give you straight answers?]

Linda: I haven’t faced any particular obstacles as a black writer in horror. Once I started attending conventions I was treated very fairly by other writers and publishers in the field. There is so much unfairness in the world. Humans have the choice to act humanely or not. To be human is to realize that no one is different: we each bled, want to love and be loved. To act less than human is to put down another person because of some perceived difference, whether because of their race or sex. Using the race card or sex card is not irrelevant yet, unfortunately.

Wrath: I think the biggest obstacle we face is walking that line between "Black" and "Writer". Most of the pressure there is internal, "Do I keep it real or do I sell-out?" "What is selling-out?" "What is keeping it real?" "Am I keeping it too real?" But of course there is always the struggle between staying true to your art and being cognizant of certain economic realities, namely that the largest consumers of horror fiction are not African-Americans.

Michelle: I think our primary obstacle as writers is the same one that blacks in general face. And that is that race relations in America are stagnant, and in danger of slipping backwards. America's early history was an epic horror story. It took a century after emancipation for changes to be made, and where are we now? America is still so preoccupied with race--and black/white relations in particular--that we're still counting "firsts" for blacks. The fact that we have so much "hate crime" that we have to create legislature for it is disturbing, not comforting. At what point does race become an aside, and not the focus of a person's being/achievement? I want to write and be read and be appreciated for my talent in telling a story. Period. Whatever labels are appended to my achievement are just that--labels. They may have their uses, but I think black writers face the possibility of being marginalized, because we are fighting preconceptions about what sells and to whom. We need to acknowledge that we are black writers, and then I think we need to work hard to redefine what that means, in our own terms.

With all the different theme anthologies, I can’t believe that “black writers only” anthologies would get criticized as exclusionist, unnecessary, silly, or even insulting. (Well, yeah I can: affirmative action. You say those two words and I get to hear all the “my white dad got passed over for a promotion by a less qualified ‘minority du jour’”. Same criticisms, different context). My heart wants to believe that we are to the point where people judge works based on the work itself. Yet my gut tells me that it boils down to fear of someone else cutting into an already shrinking pie, rather than being seen as someone trying to bake a bigger one. The quiet insinuation is that the final product must be inferior or else these writers would have gotten their stories into other markets. Are we passed the point of being able to use the race card? Does it, in fact, hinder us?

L.R.: I don't know if we've passed the point of being able to use it. But, if using it prevents us from doing our best work, then yes, it is a hindrance. At the end of the day, the only thing we really have control over is what we write. Once it's bought, edited and published, it's a whole other story. But, like anything else, our work starts with a seed, and I think we have to be very careful that we're using water to grow it, not vinegar.

Wrath: Anyone who thinks that race is not a factor is obviously deluded ... either that or white. That being said, I don't think that you are going to get any breaks from anyone by virtue of being a minority and playing off the guilt of the ruling class. I don't even know what it means to "Play the race card." I can't see where you can ever get any type of leverage in the business world by calling someone a racist. No one is going to publish someone because they're afraid that if they didn't they'd be called a racist. I don't think most people care anymore. There seems to be this cavalier attitude towards racism in America as if they've given us enough sympathy and have absorbed enough guilt and are sick of it. There's a backlash of resentment now from many white people from having been demonized in our society for so long. This backlash could definitely prove detrimental. Racism in a way is almost becoming fashionable now. Racists are the new rebels.

Lawanna: To hell with the "race card" thing. There are certain truths, and one is that minority writers of any race have to fight harder to get their stories out there.

Michelle: I guess it depends on how it's used. I think it can certainly hinder us; the affirmative action backlash out here in California is an example of that. And we definitely need to avoid getting into "crying wolf" scenarios with race. We do more damage to ourselves and our credibility than any of the truly ignorant and evil bigots out there could ever do when we fall into that trap. That being said, I do see race as one of many marketing tools. And if it gives me an edge with an editor, publication, etc. looking to promote "diverse" voices and experiences, you better believe I'm going to let them know I'm black. But it doesn't mean I trumpet it across the front page with the admonition that they have to pick me if they're really committed to diversity.

L.A.: I think we face market challenges in publishing that one faces in general, but if we let that stop us, then we would still be back in slavery. We're very resilient and creative. Self publishing as a boom shows that will to create and step over narrow perspectives that want to keep us within a certain box.

I would like to thank these fine writers for taking the time to answer a few of my questions. I look forward, as I'm sure all horror fans do, to reading any of your future stories.

***
The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles

***
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Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters

Do you feel obligated to write black characters? This may strike some readers as an odd question, but as black writers you feel a certain amount of social pressure as you approach your art. I know a few black writers who go out of their way to never write or describe black characters either because “race doesn’t matter” in their stories or due to marketing/connecting with their audience concerns. It’s a topic that I know many of us have wrestled with.

Lawanna: No, but I do. Familiarity, you know? We have so many different types of stories to be told. I have ones that have been set in 1800s Senegambia and 1600s Illinois, for instance. So many stories are just waiting to be discovered. Black folks didn't just pop up on the scene in the 20th century.

Brandon: I do feel a certain amount of responsibility to write about my culture and history. If I'm not going to do it, who is? And it's not a burden at all--it's a chance to open people's eyes, show them that black people have the same needs, desires, joys, and fears as anyone else. And it's a chance for black readers to see their own lives reflected in fiction, in all their wonder and glory--something that has largely been denied us since we've been in America. (Look at any popular novel published before 1950 and see how often black folk are featured as three-dimensional characters . . . go ahead, you'll be looking for a LONG time.) However, I DON'T consider myself a spokesperson for all black people, the mouthpiece of black America or any of that nonsense. I'm writing as an individual, with my own biases, likes, loves, dislikes, and opinions.

Wrath: Nope. I write what I feel. Always. I would never force a character to be Black just because I am. When I wrote Succulent Prey I made the character white because statistically it was more likely that the personality I was describing would be white than black. Most serial killers are middle or working-class white men in their late twenties to early forties. The only reason to make him Black would have been out of some misguided sense of social responsibility which would have just felt artificial and dishonest to me.

Michelle: No. Although in my mind's eye most of my characters are black or multiracial, a lot of times I will write characters with minimal description. If a reader is going to project his/her own experience onto my story, he/she can view the character however he/she wants. When I do describe a black character more specifically, it's because it's important to the theme or setting of the story.

So when crafting your black characters, do you worry about stereotypes? How much does this weigh on your mind when you sit down to write dialogue using Black English Dialect (Ebonics)?

Michelle: I do worry about stereotypes. I don't use Ebonics or whatever the modern equivalent to "jive" might be, because that's not my experience and it rings false to me. This might also be why we don't get a lot of horror stories set in a black, urban environment. Writers who don't have that experience (and I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt) don't want to go there because they don't want to slip into stereotypes. Writers who do have that experience perhaps aren't writing horror, or are struggling to market that experience to a broader audience. I don't want to perpetuate stereotypes, which is also why I haven't (yet) tried to write a character from another culture. But I've learned there's always somebody out there with something ignorant to say ("that character's black? really? she doesn't *sound* black.."), so for me it just comes down to writing what seems right at the time. And I will do "research," which means whenever I'm out (or sometimes I go out specifically for this) I listen to the group I need to feel comfortable writing about. It's a limited method, but eventually I'll base my forays into writing about other cultures on this, and not what I see on TV or in movies.

Wrath: I write Black characters the same way I write white characters. I reference people I know or have met with similar backgrounds and I try to put myself in their shoes and react as I would if I were them. If I'm writing about someone who displays many stereotypical behaviors I'll put those behaviors in there but even stereotypes have to have depth. They still have to be multi-dimensional.

I have always had a problem with the over-use of dialect. I hate to read it so I don't typically write it. There are many slang words that have become part of the American English lexicon and so I feel free to use those words but I'd never sit in front of the TV watching Rap City trying to find cool new slang words to put in my writing in order to keep it real. I don't think it ever needs to go that far.

L.R.: I do worry about this, because, if I'm writing a stereotype that's related to race, I'm being lazy and ignorant. That's not to say I won't use a stereotype in a story, but, if I am, I like to think it's for a purpose that serves that particular story and it's not just a shortcut to get through a difficult piece.

L.A.: I write dialogue (never narrative) and internal POV the way people really speak. Some of my characters speak in Ebonics, some speak in trailer park slang, southern drawls, wherever they are from. If you try to make them not sound true to where you've set them, then that's a disservice to the reality of the character. My old grandmother never used "Ebonics," but she would say "honeychile" and "suga" in a minute. Those things are like spices and add flavor. Otherwise the writing is stilted.

Brandon: I approach it with as much honesty as I can muster. Some black people are good, some are evil, most are a blending of grays. I aim to show all of that in my work. I use some of [B.E.D.], when the characters warrant it, but I tend to stay away from too much of it, because it can be hard to write dialect that will be easily understood by a wide body of readers. I strive for clarity of meaning at all times.

L.R.: This should only be done on a character by character basis, and conservatively then. I had a professor tell me one time that, when it comes to writing, one hair on an ice cream is enough. I had to think about it to get it, but, what it basically comes down to is, you can use a bit of dialect to establish how a character speaks and, if you're skillful, you don't have to beat the reader over the head with it to the point where they have to decode it.

Linda: I see the world as a mix of international characters, not just black or white. I’m such a mix of genetics: African, American-Indian, Caucasian and yet I’m no more or less human than the next person. I like to mix up the characters I write; if I just wrote a main character that is female I’ll try to write a male character. I don’t worry about stereotypes, I try to write believable characters. Male or female, no matter what nationality. I have the same feeling about using Ebonics; I use dialogue that works for the characters.

I ride the NY subway to work every day from the Bronx to Manhattan and hear how teenagers talk. I’m fascinated by the rhythm of their speech, their interaction with each other and subtly others around them. There’s a wonderful rush of young energy that says LOOK AT ME. I can see others repelled by the energy, some are amused.

Do you have similar concerns when it comes to how you approach writing characters of other cultures?

Linda: It’s been said we should write what we know; I like to also write what I don’t know. I find it stretches my imagination. My husband and I have a huge library of books about other cultures (mostly his books). One of my favorite poems I wrote was inspired by a chapter on Mami Wata, an African goddesses. I love reading about other cultures. My story in Dark Matter is about the rainforest tribe, Yanomami, which I’ve tried to obtain every book in English on them since I’m writing a science-fiction novel inspired by their culture. I used a book on Navaho language for my vampire story in Dark Thirst and did a lot of reading about voodoo and magic for my stories in Dark Dreams I and II. Now with the net it’s even easier to read about other cultures.

Lawanna: Other cultures are just people too. Human nature isn't different, just our appearances. You write them like you'd write anyone else. Do your research and get your voice right.

Wrath: I model them after people I know who are from that culture. If I am completely unfamiliar with that particular culture I just don't go there. I know a lot of Thais. I have spent time in Thailand, so I would feel comfortable writing about someone from Thailand. I'd feel comfortable writing about Mexicans, Fillipinos, and White folks. I would have a hard time writing about a Nigerian or a Pakistani because my experience with people from those cultures has been so limited. You can't just pick up a documentary or read a book and think you are going to accurately portray someone from that culture. What you will most likely wind up with is a stereotype or someone who acts more like some culture you do understand and bares little resemblance to the culture you are trying to portray. So why bother?

[to be continued ...]

***
The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles



***
If you want to make sure that I see your comment or just want to stop by and say hi, feel free to do so on my message board. I apologize in advance for some of my regulars.

Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do

What originally got you interested in writing horror?

Linda: My mom and I used to stay up late on the weekend watching scary ‘B’ movies on television when I grew up in Philly. I loved reading fables and fantasy, then later when I went to the library; science-fiction. I always loved scary movies. My mother is a wonderful storyteller. As the oldest of nine children it felt very natural to make up stories to entertain my brothers and sister. I was tagged as a ‘daydreamer’ by my teachers. My earliest memories are of daydreaming about flying animals and magic. I started out writing more fantasy and science-fiction. Somewhere around 1995 I started writing horror poetry and fiction. For me, it took a certain level of security inside to face the chilling things I started writing about.

Wrath: I started reading horror because I'd always read about UFOs and the Loch Ness Monster and Sasquatch. I was fascinated by the possibility that monsters might actually exist. I would watch Creature Double Feature and Dr. Shock with my Mom every Saturday morning. It was my escape from the streets. Werewolves, zombies, and vampires seemed a lot cooler to me than crackheads, muggers, and drug dealers. I read fantasy and sci-fi too but they just seemed a little too divorced from reality. I wanted to escape but not quite that far.

Michelle: I became interested in horror because my dad had a huge horror collection when I was growing up, and something about it spoke to me. My only other options were "typical" kids literature, which bored me, my mom's medical books, which fascinated me, and my mom's romance books, which, even at 10, I could see followed the same basic plot time and time again. But I think way back in the beginning it started with fairy tales. I still can't get enough of them. There's always something slightly dark and "off" about them, and they're trying to teach you a lesson. I want my writing to make you think about something in a new way. And if you learn something about the world or about yourself, all the better.

L.R.: I had an uncle who exposed me to sci-fi and horror very early in life. Truthfully, I've always wanted to write comic books, but exposure to the EC comics reprints back in the late 80's/early 90's turned me onto horror stories.

Chesya: I’ve always been interested in dark stories. I grew up with stories of haunted woods and family legends of headless Indian ghost and thing of that sort. It was simply natural that I started writing about it.

I hear editors call out for culturally diverse writers and voices. They may say that they want an ethnic voice, but not necessarily an urban one. Maybe it is simply a matter of marketing to your audience. I do know one black writer who refuses to write black characters because this person is afraid of alienating her potential market. I think that this mindset springs from the fact (illusion) that the horror market is essentially a community, a community that ends up marketing mostly to each other (which is debatable). I know we’ve talked about the black community’s embrace of horror, but that then begs the question where are our black writers?

L.A.: My personal opinion, based on no scientific data at all, purely anecdotal... is that black folks, from cultural upbringing, "Don't play that." We are, down deep at the core, very wary of sitting with dark subject matter too long and allowing that to fester in our brains. A movie--okay, 2 hours and you're in and out and laughing (like a roller coaster ride.) But to concentrate on it the way one has to as a writer, takes some serious intestinal fortitude to overcome all that "church" upbringing and the fears of "messing with evil." The other reason is, if you don't see yourself successful in it, because there are few role models, then you don't feel its accessible. But if a black Stephen King popped onto the scene, I bet a lot of African American horror writers and folks who like to read that sort of thing would come out of the proverbial closet.

Linda: Actually I see a small increase each year in the number of black writers in horror. Being any kind of writer is difficult. There is little support in our society for writers especially in the genre field. The publication of books along the Dark themes show young writers that there is a possibility of getting published, this is more than I ever had growing up. By looking at the books on the shelves of book stores there is a definite increase in urban/romance books by blacks.

Michelle: I think there hasn't been a big enough, "break out," black horror writer to make it seem like a viable option for black writers. It took me a long time to see writing as an acceptable career goal, and even though horror and science fiction feel like "home" to me as a writer, in terms of making a living, new black writers are seeing "girlfriend" and "life in the 'hood" books fly off the shelves. I also think if you're already struggling to be taken "seriously," dealing with the derisive comments about horror will turn you away. I've actually had people tell me, "you don't look like a horror writer," or, "I used to read horror when I was younger, but then I grew out of it."

Chesya: I think there are. Look at the Dark Dreams series, and Dark Matter. The genre is still dominated by middle ages white males, but then too, most things are.

Wrath: There are less Black writers in horror because there is less money in horror. Horror is a labor of love and therefore a luxury. Most Black people in our society don't have time for luxuries. If there's more money in writing Romance you are going to find more Black writers writing romance. It's just simple economics. I doubt that there's a Black author writing right now who hasn't considered writing an Urban Horror just to make a few dollars for a change. That's why there's more Black people boxing and playing basketball and football than kickboxing or wrestling. There's less money in those sports. You don't see collegiate wrestlers riding through the ghetto in brand new Escalades and you don't see them on TV every week either. In addition to the money there's the prestige. "I write Black Erotica or Urban Romance" will definitely get you more play in a nightclub than, "I write horror." Where are our Black writers? Writing Romance.

At what point we would have made enough of a name for ourselves in the horror market/community to make that leap into other markets. Adding black book conventions to our convention schedule rather than doing exclusively horror conventions, thus aiming to grow the horror market by going to an untapped market. For one thing, the romance market had written off the black reading public until someone waited to exhale for that very market and made oodles of money. Now I can’t throw a rock in my local bookstore without hitting a display of the latest black romance books. Is it more difficult for a black writer to become established?

Wrath: I think it would be more difficult for anyone writing about characters that were not white on any consistent basis to become established outside their own communities. As I said earlier, people like to read about characters that look and act like them. Since Caucasians are the majority you will always get further with Caucasian characters than African-American ones. I watched a documentary on Black actors in the movie industry and there were some very frank discussions about how a movie with a black actor as the lead will gross half as much as a movie with a white lead actor. I suspect the same is true of books. And I would venture to guess that the same discussions take place in the larger publishing houses.

Brandon: Any black writer with talent and drive who has a salable manuscript and who knows how to take advantage of current market conditions, can get signed to a major publisher and start building a real career. There are more opportunities for black writers than there have ever been before. Getting established isn't easy for anyone, obviously, but I do think that the market is very open to work from African American writers.

Linda: I spent many years sending work out and being rejected. It wasn’t because I was black, since the editor couldn’t see my color by my stories, even if there were black characters in the story. The stories were judged by plot, characters, storyline, editorial needs and quality of the writing. There are a lot of very good writers not getting published no matter what nationality. The market place is very competitive. Once I started attending genre writing conferences I actually found most people in it very respectful of me as a writer.

Michelle: I'm not sure I have enough experience in the field yet to answer this. But when I was growing up, my mother would tell my sister and me that people would see that we were black and female first, so we had to work that much harder for them to get past the physical. The advantage of writing is that you can hide behind pages that don't necessarily reveal your race, gender, religion, etc. But writers that hide can't promote their work, so don't reach the audience they have the potential to reach. Sooner or later you have to come out from behind the curtain, and some people may not be able to get past what they see to get down to reading your work.

L.A.: I think yes and no. Right now, there's a black Renaissance in writing, where African American authors have been expanding title selections in record numbers. But at the same time, that expansion is in the very overcrowded niches of urban fiction, baby-momma-drama books, girlfriend novels, and the like. Sci-Fi, Horror, fantasy, political thriller, espionage, mystery, suspense, are all waiting to be opened up. It's not just a "horror" problem... there are still (even after the passing of the late, great Octavia Butler) only a handful of premier Sci-Fi writers of color... Sam Delany, Stephen Barnes, et al, few horror writers, Walter Mosley (and like 3 others) in mystery... you see what I mean? We have to bring the stories out. I think our perpective is new, edgy, different, and we always set the standard for whatever art-form we adapt to -- whereas white writers have a very difficult time differentiating themselves because all those genres are filled to the hilt for them. It's a double-edged blade.

[to be continued ...]

***
The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles


***
If you want to make sure that I see your comment or just want to stop by and say hi, feel free to do so on my message board. I apologize in advance for some of my regulars.

Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?

Is there a black audience largely ignored by horror writers and marketers? What can we do to draw them in?

Michelle: Well, I'm going to try to stay off my soapbox on this one. I will make a sweeping generalization and say that I think across most markets, black audiences are ignored, and in particular, the diversity of tastes among blacks for what we read, listen to, drive, etc. is dismissed and stereotyped for easier digestion. As a new writer, it might be naive of me to say this, but I think the way to draw the audience in and get our stories out there is to drive the market. Be aggressive and assertive (and creative!) about how we market and when and to who.

L.A.: Yes, I think so--which is really crazy when you look at the demographics of who goes to see the scary movies = largely African American teens. Include them and their reality in ones stories... people like to read about characters they can relate to.

Chesya: The simple answer would be, yes, but I think it goes deeper than that. The average black reader doesn’t want to read the average horror story. They read erotica, or urban, or uplifting non-fic. So, in essence, horror isn’t marketed to black audiences.

Linda: I think there’s always been a large part of the black community that liked scary stories, more in the form of movies than books. I’m not sure how to draw more in. I would defer to writers like Tananarive Due who has marketed their work successfully to all communities, especially the Black community. There are other black writers outside the genre field who have also built a readership in the Black community.

I actually see an increase in attention to black genre writing. Black bookstores have been very supportive when I worked with them. The other collections of black genre writing like Angela Allen’s Dark Thirst (vampire stories), Brandon Massey’s Dark Dreams I and II and the continuation of Sheree Thomas’ Dark Matter series are a reflection of the increase in market recognition. I don’t think there has to be a rule that as a black genre writer you have to write in black/urban environment. Writing is creating; we should create what ever calls to us.

L.R.: Perhaps because those in control of acquiring work and distributing it to readers are dealing with some different issues when these stories are presented to them, like:
a) They can't relate to the story, so it's not interesting to them; makes them feel like their readers won't be interested
b) The writing might focus too much on being an overtly 'black story' instead of an overtly 'good story'
c) Sometimes, when things related to black culture are fictionalized, they can fall in the categories of farce and stereotypes because, in trying to make an urban experience we're familiar with familiar to others, we might get lazy and fall back on the more popular images constantly beating us over the head thanks to the media. By popular, I mean pimps, Cristal sipping rappers, ghetto kids with hoop dreams, drug dealers trying to go straight, women prostituting themselves out of desperation for money and/or drugs, etc. Not that these archetypes don't really exist somewhere, but, in terms of fiction, most of them were played out with Superfly and Dolemite. And, it excludes so many aspects of the "black/urban" experience that it's not even funny.

Are our stories largely ignored?

L.A.: I can't say ignored, because up until now, we haven't been writing them, producing them, embracing them. But as African Americans, if we were to just write some of the chilling old wives tales we've heard growing up--that is a WEALTH of stories right there that folks would gobble up. The key is, our writers have not, by and large, been providing those stories for readers. If we write it, they will buy it--if it's crafted well and done correctly... just like anything else. Publishers will pub what sells, so it's a chicken and the egg issue--we haven't written it, so folks haven't purchased what's not been widely available, so the publishers say black folks don't buy horror (not true, in my opinion--circumstantial.)

Chesya: I think that our being black makes for different life experiences, different views on life, if you will. Because of that, our stories may not appeal to the average horror reader, and the editors only buy what their readers want.

Brandon: Most definitely. You don't see Bram Stoker Award-winners doing booksignings at Karibu stores (a chain of African American bookstores in Maryland, by the way). And you sure don't see horror writers at the Harlem Book Fair--at least, not non-black horror writers. People tend to market primarily to those who are like them, either racially, or culturally, or economically. That's just the way it is, in every field of endeavor. Books aren't unique in that regard.

I think for the black audience to get more interested in reading horror, more black writers would need to start writing horror fiction. For better or worse, that's what it would take. Of course, large numbers of black writers probably wouldn't bother writing horror unless they thought they could make a lot of money. The herd of writers tend to follow the cash. The serious writers, those who are genuinely driven to write horror, will do so whether they are making money or not. But serious writers are always in short supply. :-)

Wrath: Horror is now very reliant upon the small press and I don't think most small publishers understand how to market to Black audiences. I don't think it's even a consideration. They don't really see the Black audience as a viable target consumer group. The larger publishers have the mechanisms in place to reach more Black readers now that many of them have created separate divisions to handle their Black readership but most of them are only interested in romance novels. If they were to shift their attention toward horror I think the larger publishing houses could help cultivate that audience.

Back in the eighties there were a lot of African Americans reading horror. When I would ride the bus back in Philly it seemed like everyone was carrying a Stephen King novel. I think they were largely turned off by stories that did not relate to them and that they could not relate to. If they were to discover that there were writers out there writing horror stories that were relevant to their lives I believe it would renew their interest in the genre. Right now Horror is dominated by white authors and so you don't find many characters that African Americans can relate to. People tend to want to read about people like themselves and so if there are no horror novels with Black antagonists or protagonists or if those characters seem inauthentic or stereotypical it's going to turn Black folks off. Hell, that's one of the reasons I stopped reading King. I just got sick of reading about Maine. I didn't mind the magical Negroes I just wished he could have put them in New York or Philly or Atlanta.

Lawanna: Many of us, upon saying we write horror, are greeted with "You write WHAT?!" as if that's something we just "don't do." The largest demographic that marketers skew to are adolescent White males and will they "relate." In the end, it's a business and it's all about a bottom line. We have to fight to get "different" stories told. There are many fantastic writers out there, like Brandon and Tananarive, who are "doing the damn thing" when it comes to being a force in their genre, but there aren't enough. That's why it's so important to have showcase anthologies like Dark Dreams. You draw them in by making folks aware that there are Black writers out there writing more than urban/relationship dramas. In my area, here in D.C., I've been seeing it face out--so folks are definitely noticing it.

L.A.: I have to say that's because writers write from their perspectives. If mainly white authors are doing horror stories, because black authors haven't embraced the genre, they you'll get an Amityville Horror set in the burbs. But if a black author did it, one could have a high-rise in the city that has some demonic presence, too. Again, we have to write it. My tales have "the 'hood" as a backdrop, and believe me, a dark alley in an urban city--even without the paranormal--is scary in its own right!

[to be continued ...]

***
The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles


***
If you want to make sure that I see your comment or just want to stop by and say hi, feel free to do so on my message board. I apologize in advance for some of my regulars.

Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves

Continuing our previous conversation, we live in a world, and an industry, of labels. We are resigned to be categorized apparently because people won't know how to find anything unless it is clearly defined. The recent iteration of this issue seems to be whether or not black writers should be automatically relegated to the black interest section of a bookstore, niche marketed to black people. As opposed to being marketed as a “mainstream” writer. That being said, how do you define yourself?

Linda: Before the publication of Sheree Thomas' Dark Matter collection, Warner Books (Warner Books) July/2000 there was no such arena as ‘black horror writers’ to play in. I had been writing and publishing in the science-fiction and horror field since 1995 but it wasn’t until the call for fiction for Dark Matter came out that it mattered that I was Black. I also hadn’t gone to many conventions up to then so many others in the genre field didn’t know I was Black either. It was a delightful moment to be accepted in Dark Matter and the beginning of when being a Black writer in horror meant something special.

There was an evening a few years ago where I met Tananarive Due at the Bram Stoker awards here in NY. Her book was nominated and it was great to look across the room and see another brown face. We had a wonderful conversation. As to how I define myself, inside I see myself as a poet first since poetry is always running through me, then I’ll take the label black horror writer/horror writer/genre writer, etc.

L.R.: No, I do not define myself as a black horror writer, just a writer who happens to be black who sometimes writes horror . . .guess that's too long to put on a book spine, though. It seems like this has been a sensitive topic in the past so I want to be careful saying this, but, I feel like the term horror is used as a blanket label for work they may contain elements of several genres. I haven't been able to nail down what makes something a work of horror as opposed to a work of fantasy, science-fiction or suspense. I've seen the debates on message boards about how you 'define' these genres, but, truth be told, I'm not paying attention to the definitions anymore. I feel like the labels get in my way.

L.A.: I am an African American author, but not a "black Horror writer," if that makes sense. I say that because, my work in The Vampire Huntress Legends series cuts across all racial lines and religions... my characters are from every walk of life. Therefore, the stories are not just horror events that happen to "black people," but to anyone.

Brandon: I define myself as a writer, period. I've written stories that would not be classified as horror, and I've even written non-fiction from time to time, so it makes more sense to classify myself as broadly as possible. Besides, other people seem to be willing enough to try to put me in a box of one kind or another, so why should I make it easy for them? I hate being limited by labels--especially those that are race-related.

Lawanna: I define myself as a writer who just happens to be Black, lol. Being Black shapes my viewpoint and my characters are usually Black, but that should not exclude me from being able to write about characters who aren't. I do not regard horror as my primary genre though--more like "supernatural suspense."

Wrath: Well, I am quite obviously Black and I am a horror writer but that is not the limit of what I am. If I were a non-fiction writer writing only about my own experiences than I would definitely consider myself a Black Writer. But since I write fiction and it is necessary for me to put myself into the minds and perspectives of different characters I would be extremely limited if I could not relate to other ethnicities. Writing fiction that does not take place exclusively in the Black community or involve exclusively African-American characters means that my perspective has to be broader. I have to be open-minded. If I wrote stories where the only well-developed characters were the Black ones and all the other characters were just two-dimensional stereotypes that would just make me a bad writer. Still, race is inescapable in our society and so I'm sure it does color my perspective more than I'd admit to. Because I tend to tackle very bizarre and extreme subject matter race rarely plays a factor in what I write however. My subject matter allows me a lot of freedom.

Let's look at the larger issue of whether we as horror writers should limit ourselves to the horror market, marketing ourselves to the horror community?

Chesya: No. I don’t think anyone should limit themselves to the horror market. The genre is relatively small and incestuous. A writer would do herself well to market as widely as possible.

Brandon: First of all, I don't think that most people have any notion of a "horror community." I think what we know as the horror community--those hardcore fans who frequent horror message boards, buy small press titles, and attend horror-related cons--is relatively small. These fans are valuable for a writer to have because they are so loyal and passionate about what they like--but I think any writer would do his career a disservice if he limited himself solely to these readers. We should market ourselves to anyone who is willing to hear what we have to say. I have a lot of readers who don't consider themselves horror fans, but they found something in my work that appealed to them, and they've supported me. I never would have gained these readers if I hadn't bothered to reach outside the horror community. And guess what? Those people who read my books and enjoy them, who aren't horror fans per se, are going to be more inclined to pick up horror novels by other authors. They've learned that they have to look past the labels (or the lurid covers, as the case may be) in order to discover good books.

Wrath: I am coincidentally battling this issue myself as I try to figure out what to do with my latest manuscript. I think it might be too Urban (Black) for the horror market. It is almost a Black Experience novel with some very horrific supernatural elements woven in throughout, though most of the violence is non-supernatural in nature. The dilemma is should I market it as an Urban Horror, Urban Thriller, Black Experience novel, or straight Horror novel. I've heard arguments from both sides from people I respect. Being pigeon-holed as a horror author could hurt my sales to African-American consumers who have not typically displayed great interest in the horror genre, while being marketed as a Black author could hurt my sales within the Horror genre which has not typically shown great interest in anything non-white with but a very few notable exceptions.

L.R.: It think it's a good idea to market to the horror community if you're a horror writer, obviously, but to limit yourself to the horror community is short-sighted, in my opinion. It's like the kid who wants to be a businessman so he starts a lemonade stand in front of his house. How many thirsty people is he going to get by selling drink in that one spot? He can add Kool-Aid, Pepsi and ice cream to his menu, but he's still limited by the numerous factors of focusing his attention on a small tract of land. He might have loyal customers, but he can't go to the next level.

Wrath: I love the horror genre and the horror community. I would personally be quite content to market strictly to those who love and enjoy horror. I just think that some of the issues I'm exploring lately may not find a receptive audience in this genre and there's also the issue of money. Reaching an audience outside this genre may translate into larger sales. It's no secret that if you write an Urban Romance or an Urban Thriller you are almost guaranteed more sales than if you were to write a horror novel. I think that may change when more publishers start exploring Urban Horror. I'm kind of stuck though because I just have no interest in writing anything but horror or some version of it.

L.A.: Absolutely not. I sort of straddle the fence between paranormal (the soft horror), romance, fantasy, and horror. My books are scary... but there's the supernatural, and hot relationships between the characters, and otherworldly fantastic superhero stuff as well :) That broadens your appeal, thus readership, and allows one to write outside the box.

Lawanna: To me, horror is a flip side of fantasy and the scifi/fantasy market seems to be booming. Just go to any major book retailer and compare the two sections. I don't think that Barnes & Noble even has a separate horror section anymore. My local ones don't, and when you do find one--at Border's, for instance--it's like the King & Koontz show...no knock to them.

Michelle: There's a lot of competition out there, and if someone publishes my book, I'm going to market it to anyone who might have an interest in it, whether it's because it's horror, because I'm black, because I'm female, because we went to the same college, because that person was an
Army brat too, whatever the connection might be. I won't misrepresent what I write by trying to convince someone who only reads westerns that my latest story could be viewed as the horror equivalent of a gunslinging showdown, because I don't have the foggiest idea what that's all about, but if there's a way to connect with a new readership outside of the traditional horror crowd, I say exploit it.

Linda: I’ve always considered my job as a writer to get as much published as possible. I write works that have been defined as horror, science-fiction, occasionally fantasy. Dark verse has been a popular label. I write and then look at all the markets to see where it will fit. Sometimes I’ll see a market call for a certain theme and write to that. Much of my writing does fit the horror market so I’m always looking at that market. The thing is that I don’t see the market as just one thing. I cruise a lot of magazines, subscribe to some. There’s dark fiction/poetry in many venues that aren’t obvious, like The New Yorker magazine. I like to keep my eyes open.

[to be continued ...]

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The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles


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Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends

A long time ago, I once posed the issue to the genre whether or not we, as black writers, would be better off trying to break into the largely ignored black (audience) market rather than concentrate on being well known in the horror community. Maybe the debate isn’t limited to whether or not black writers, as opposed to all of us horror writers, should pigeon-hole ourselves into the relatively small horror buying market that barely seems to keep the small presses afloat. After all, isn’t the point to reach as large an audience as possible? What is a black thing is the issue may be more important for us since we as black writers, we as a black audience, and our stories are largely ignored in the genre.

So I thought why bother with more of my ramblings on the topic. Why not get some of my friends to talk about what they think? The joke has been that there are enough of us (black horror writers) now that we can actually do panels on the topic. From established pros like Tananarive Due to hot up an comers like Andre Duza, I think we are riding the first wave of black horror authors. Enjoy the pressure folks, because we are the experiment, the pioneers, in a lot of ways. Pioneers to not having a conversation about being black horror writers as opposed to being horror writers.

In the mean time, quick, name five black horror writers.

I’ll wait.

Nevermind, I’ll introduce you to a few:

Brandon Massey is the author of several novels, a collection of short stories, and editor of the DARK DREAMS series. He lives with his wife near Atlanta. He just published a new novel, THE OTHER BROTHER, so look for that one in stores. Next up is a short novel, entitled VICIOUS, that he is publishing independently in October.

Wrath James White. “I've been toiling away in this damnable genre for the past six years though I've technically been writing horror since the eighties. I just didn't start publishing until '99. I've published one novel, Succulent Prey (2005 from Bloodletting Press), two novellas Teratologist co-written with Ed Lee (2002 from Medium Rare Books) and Poisoning Eros co-written with Monica O'Rourke (2003 from 3F Publications). I'm trying to find a publisher for my new novel Yaccub about a kid growing up on the streets of Philadelphia who gets involved in drug violence and a cosmic battle between God and a demonic drug dealer created by an evil geneticist thousands of years ago. This book deals heavily with issues of race, poverty, crime and religion. I don't expect it to be an easy sell to a publisher, but I've gotten some great feedback on it from a few well-respected authors. It has been said that it's the best thing I've written so far. It would be tragic if it was never published. I'm confident that when it is published, if it is marketed right, it would be a huge success. You never know with these things though.”

Lawana Holland-Moore's historically-based short stories have been featured in all three Dark Dreams anthologies. She’s still plugging away on her novel.

Michelle Mellon just finished a screenplay as part of an application for a fellowship program. She won't hear about that till the end of the year, so she’s back to work on her short story collection and submitting stories outside of the collection to get her name out there.

Chesya Burke has been writing professionally for several years. Her work has appeared in The African American National Biography, published by Harvard University and Oxford University Press, and in a variety of distinguished magazines and anthologies, such as Dark Dreams: Stories of Horror and Suspense by Black Writers, I, II and III, Would That It Were, The Best of Horrorfind and many more. Chesya received the 2003 Twilight Tales Award for fiction and an honorable mention in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Science Fiction: 18th Annual Edition.

Linda Addison: “I am the oldest of nine children, grew up in Philadelphia where I graduated from Germantown High School (I wrote an essay and won a scholarship in my junior year from the World Youth Forum to travel to Western Europe for two months). I graduated from Carnegie-Mellon University with a B.S. in Mathematics and have lived in New York since 1975. I’m a founding member of a writers group, CITH (Circles In The Hair), since 1990. My poetry collection, Consumed, Reduced to Beautiful Grey Ashes, received the HWA Bram Stoker award.” She’s currently working on my next poetry collection, “Being Full of Light, Insubstantial”, (Space & Time) for 2007.

L. R. Giles is a Virginia native whose work has appeared in DARK DREAMS and VOICES FROM THE OTHER SIDE: DARK DREAMS II. His serial novella NECROMANCE was featured at www.awarenessmagazine.net and his full-length novel THE DARKNESS KEPT is currently seeking a home. He’s working on a novel called SEE/SAW.

Writing as L.A. Banks, the University of Penn and Temple University Film School grad is the author of several BET romance novels and the hit Soul Food book series based upon the popular Soul Food TV show by Paramount/Showtime. Banks has just made history as the first African-American female author to develop a vampire series. This four-book series is the first vampire huntress series with a multi-ethnic, multi-religion cast of characters anywhere in print developed by an African American editor and author. There are only two other African-American horror writers in the U.S. and both have positively endorsed Bank’s book. Upcoming projects include Scarface 2, books 10, 11, 12, in the Vampire Huntress series, werewolves... more crime...

I’ll be spending the week picking their brains.

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The Black Horror Writers Round-Table Discussion Guide:

Black Horror Writers I - A Little Help from My Friends
Black Horror Writers II - Defining Ourselves
Black Horror Writers III - The Black Market?
Black Horror Writers IV - What We Do
Black Horror Writers V - Black Characters
Black Horror Writers VI - The "N" Word and Other Obstacles



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Black Folks? You’re Fired

Not since the Indiana Black Expo realized that a web address of IBEonline wasn’t the best statement about Black folks on the internet have I been so embarrassed. While I reveled in the celebration of Krumping in the movie Rize, today I have been forced to confront the dark side of black inventiveness in dance: the Chicken Noodle Soup dance craze. To quote my people over at Black Folks, “You win the internets today.”

(Alright, this kid is cute, but that doesn’t make it right)

White folks? You too. Fired. You really don’t have to appropriate everything we come up with.

(I just watched a Family Guy rerun with my boys last week. You tell me that you aren’t now humming It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time after hearing that Chicken Noodle Soup hot mess.)

Soup. With soda on the side. Don’t make me declare myself eligible for this year’s racial draft.

Today’s blog brought to you by Burger King and Snickers.

And before I go, a glance at my new favorite map:













Yeah, I know. Completely random day.



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Friday Night Date Place - Internet Dating

Here’s my dilemma: the phenomena that is Internet dating came into full swing after I said my “I do”s. I’m not saying that I’m behind the times, but this is something that I never had to experience. As far as I was/am concerned, this is little different than leaving ads in the back of personals.

I hear all the time “I have such trouble meeting people.” Any advice I have to say on this topic I figured I could get away with by saying “Women, let me make this simple: cook something.” The shortest route to a man’s heart is, okay, through his ribcage, but his stomach is a close second. Men eat food. Especially free food. Especially free food of the home-cooked variety. If you cook something, men will show up, even if you don’t invite them. Fat ones, skinny ones, old ones, young ones, tall ones, short ones. Heck, if you can’t cook, order in. Even if he has to push through the empty Chinese food cartons to get to the table, he’ll still thank you for cooking. Because food on a table is still food on a table. I’m just saying.

Apparently, so I was told, this wasn’t always realistic.

My second inclination was to mock speed dating and the Internet as the last resort resources for the truly, pathetically desperate. However, several of my close friends quietly admitted to trying these options. People whom I knew were great catches (names and numbers available upon request), whom I never imagined had difficulty meeting or connecting with people. So I thought that maybe these phenomena deserved another look.

You get to a point in life where you have exhausted the natural prospects for meeting people. College. The bar scene. Work. Friends of friends. Church. Sometimes you just want a scene that’s relatively safe to mix and mingle. Speed dating, for those unfamiliar with this, is when a group of men and women basically are funneled down a line meeting people of the opposite sex in five minute intervals. This allows you the opportunity to meet people and learn their job, hobbies, and interests. It allows a snapshot of them, enough to basically rule out the immediately obvious. You learn if they can carry on a conversation, because even five minutes feels like an eternity if they can’t. You might get a feel for any chemistry or possible attraction worth exploring.

On the downside, you’re basically judging a book strictly on its cover because there’s no time to even get past the table of contents. Shy people are disadvantaged. They might come across as awkward or snobby. The strong, silent types with good character may get overlooked. One stupid thing or comment may get you ruled out. The game becomes mostly about surface issues, matters of physicality and style. You can’t truly get a feel for someone’s personality, intellect, and sense of humor in five minutes.

Then again, all you’re doing is interviewing for a date.

A similar thing is true of the Internet, except there the hurdle is the tyranny of “The List”. The wrong answer on a survey can get you eliminated. You can’t get a feel for chemistry. Or their personality. If misunderstandings happen because we can’t read the tone of an e-mail, how much more so as we try to convey humor?

Adding to the atmospheric environment is the relative anonymity. It’s hard enough getting part all the artifice of dating when in person. If all you have is a computer screen, it’s easier to say the right things. Of course, for some, especially the shy, this is the advantage. But you are judged on your picture. And it’s harder to get the vibe that a meeting provides. So see that stalker’s glint in their eye or feel the instant sexual chemistry. If you aren’t careful, they bring out the worst elements of dating. Dating becomes more of a game. More superficial. Again, some people will say that’s the advantage.

Another issue that has been an interesting recurring issue is that “traditionalists” have difficulty reconciling the rules of “courting” when it comes to internet dating. Maybe I just don’t get it. I am fully prepared to come back next week and repent. Tell me what you think and whether or not I’m missing the boat on this.


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The Story of Blackness

We interrupt today’s scheduled blog with what can’t help but be seen as a bit of transparent pandering. Looks like this blog was nominated as one of the 2006 Black Weblog Awards Finalists. Best Topical Blog is my category, which is appropos considering that it’s not like this blog has a particular point. A friend of mine, Rod Garvin, was nominated in the best original content category. And I’m a regular lurker on the BlackFolks LiveJournal community. The winners will be announced September 3rd, so you are free to go vote here.


If there are any themes that tend to resurface in my life and work they are the issues of faith and race. I wasn’t aware that I was doing a series until a friend of mine pointed out that I seemed to be leading to something in my posts. Here’s the thread of the discussion as best as I can see it.

My Journey Thus Far - covers where I’ve been both spiritually and racially.

On Ghetto Crackery and Values - A meditation on being “ghetto” and their implications.

Desert Wanderings - Where do we go from here?

Ontological Blackness - a look at the idea of being Black. Matters of Identity, Exploration, and Redefining the idea of Race.

A Theology of Slavery - Reconciling the holocaust of slavery to my faith, especially how the church interpreted the Bible over time. Part I and part II.

The Miracle of the Black Church - In response to, and despite, the tragedy of slavery arose an institution and things to be learned from the black church that may help the church as a whole.

Post-Colonialism - A brief look at the idea of post-colonialism, implications about the colonizers as well as those colonized.

Black Theology - An introduction to Cone as well as the idea of a liberation message. I’ll leave it to Postmodern Negro to dissect Barth, Tillich, Camus, and Sartre. That’s more his thing.

Ministry of Reconciliation - Reconciliation is costly and often humbling. It involves risk. And it should be what we are about. I know that’s one of the goals of Emergent diversity, to get the conversations started.

This is the journey so far.


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Are You High Maintenance?

I have a low maintenance wife. That’s because there’s only room for one prima donna in this relationship and I’ve already called dibs. If someone’s going to be focused on themselves, preening, be in constant need of attention and reassurance, it’s going to be me. It’s a part-time job (at least) and if I’m spending so much time on me, of course I don’t have the time to see to another’s high maintenance ways.

High maintenance people require constant attention and approval. They crave to be the center of almost every conversation and will often become symptomatic (moody, resentful, loud, threatening) when they are not. They analyze every move, thought, word and action of their friends and then tend to read more meaning into everything than was ever intended. They are easily hurt, quickly offended, quick to rebuke when they do not get the kind of attention they think they deserve. High maintenance people are difficult, sometimes impossible, even in the most relaxed of circumstances. They pick fights, find fault and personalize almost everything. They argue with people who are closest to them for no apparent reason. They often pick on strangers (waiters, helpers). They often live in a world of cut-off relationships where everyone else is an idiot.

High maintenance folks can wear people out. It’s one thing to be picky, but high maintenance folks take things to another level. Most people do exhibit some of the selfish, self-absorbed, self-centered tendencies that lead to accusations of high-maintenance. One reason why high maintenance folks are so exhausting is because life is all about their needs, their desires, how they like things done and when they want it done. Everyone is measured against how “they” would do something. Their inconsistencies don’t matter - they don’t/can’t see them - because their measuring stick is still the same: them. The constant need for attention often leads to self-created drama, because when you get right down to it, it doesn’t matter what kind of attention it is, positive or negative, as long as the spotlight is on them.

Typically, this is accompanied by fastidious, over-demanding ways. Whether it is a convoluted order in a restaurant (then complaining about the quality), conscious of their appearance, or simply demanding that folks adhere to how “they” do things, it is all manifestations of the same behavior. I am reminded of C.S. Lewis describing the flip side of gluttony, the “delicate” eater, in The Screwtape Letters:

“She is always turning from what has been offered her to say with a demure little sigh and a smile, ‘Oh, please, please.. all I want is a cup of tea, weak but not too weak, and the teeniest weeniest bit of really crisp toast.’ You see? Because what she wants is smaller and less costly than what has been set before her, she never recognises as gluttony her determination to get what she wants, however troublesome it may be to others.”

This finicky eater shows a kind of self-assertiveness and self-centeredness, putting themselves above others, including their host. (Not to mention the fact that how are you going to just disrespect the host in their house?)

We say we want community, but we don’t really. We want that close circle of connectedness where one experiences a deep sense of belonging, acceptance, and love. That’s the lure of community. But we don’t want to do what it takes to achieve it.

The sad fact is that there is something fundamentally fractured about such people. Something in their past, from being starved for attention from their parents to being spoiled throughout their lives, has conditioned the way they see themselves. There is always the temptation to run from relationships. The fact of the matter is that we encounter difficult people in all areas of our lives. But you know what? That’s why building good relationships is so important. We need to be patient, especially with our screw ups. We have to (learn to) love one another. Accept one another where they are (even while encouraging them to be better - that’s a simple recipe for discipling). We need to forbear one another - putting up with their mess because we have our own brand of mess.

No one said community was easy.


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Conglomeration 2006

This past weekend was a busy weekend for cons (someone may want to look into it). What’s a horror writer to do? Much of the horror community attended Horrorfind. I had attended it in the past. While it proved quite profitable in terms on contacts, there was also what I refer to as “The Horrorfind Incident.” Here in town there was GenCon. It’s mostly a gaming convention, but I took some time to hook up with a friend of mine, writer Lucien Soulban. In terms of making contacts in the gaming industry, this is one of the best cons to go to. I promised Lucien that next year I would spend some serious time there.

Because naturally I went to a con I hadn’t heard of before: Conglomeration.

Conglomeration wasn’t a bad little con. Kind of a poor man’s Horrorfind (read: I couldn’t afford to go to horrorfind and I didn’t feel like going to gen con, which is in my backyard, and I wanted to do something this weekend). It was more a sci-fi/fantasy based con, with a bit of horror tossed in (because they are all semi-related genre cousins anyway).

A friend and I got into an argument about the importance of conventions. Partly, it was about the type of cons that we need to attend at this point in our careers, if we are thinking long term. At this point in my career, going to conventions is very important (though admittedly, cons short on professional opportunities and long on the partying probably less so).

There are party cons. Pro cons. Fan cons. When it comes down to it, you have to figure out what kind of con you are going to and what you want to do there. Conglomeration is more of a fan con, but I wanted to get some “pro” stuff done. I believe in setting goals. I wanted to meet some more of the faces that I knew only from the Internet. There's nothing like hanging out with fellow writers. Easily the highlight of the con was dinner with the Brit wit of Steve Savile, the lovely and gracious Alethea Kontis, and the imitable Jason Sizemore (of Apex Science Fiction and Horror Digest). However, I also got to hang out with Harry Turtledove, Michael Williams, and Geoffrey Girard.

And yes, it’s been confirmed: I definitely have to start doing panels more often. I was asked several times “why aren’t you up here?” Which, you know, was kind of nice.

Plus at some point I may have to do a blog about how fans scare me.

Bollocks!


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Ministry of Reconciliation

The natural question that comes at the end of every discussion on race is “is there any hope for reconciliation?” I wish there was some easy answer I could provide, something other than quoting Dr. Martin Luther King Jr, or talk of us living the dream, but I fear that the road to reconciliation is a long hard one. I’d love for us to forget our pasts, the hurts, the scars, hold hands, sing Kumbaya, and love Jesus; however, no honest relationship has ever worked that way. And that’s what we are talking about: developing a new paradigm for a relationship between the races.

This strikes at the core of my faith. You see, the meta-narrative of the Bible is the story of reconciliation. This almost seems counter intuitive since God seems to do a lot of separating: the tower of Babel, the nation of Israel, the “elect” (those “called out” for a purpose). Yet, the very idea of race is a racist, man-made construct meant to divide and separate us. How does the idea of integration sit next to the reality of ghettos? Or Sunday morning worship services divided along the lines of race correspond to the mission of the church?

Still, the solution to the dilemma of race lies in a meta-narrative, a greater over-arching story, to transcend our individual interests and stories. The way I see it, there are three critical ingredients necessary in order to facilitate reconciliation: equality, forgiveness, and conversation.

For reconciliation to be done, there has to be a coming together of equals. For things to be on equal terms, there has to be a relationship not built on fear or oppression. There must be a recognizing and respecting of each other’s stories. This involves some internal and external developments: reconciliation within the black community and the lingering effects and attitudes of colonialism have to be addressed. Reconciliation has to happen within the black community. Drugs. Murder. Robbing. Poor education. These issues systematically plague the black community, symptoms of political, economic, and social bondage. We need to know ourselves and then help ourselves.

Have you noticed that in a lot of our discussion about race, we can get caught up in what “they” need to do: black people, your slavery has come to an end. Reconciliation is tied to liberation. You don’t have to revel in ghetto existence (and that’s what it is, existence, not life). White people, let go of the chains and loosen the white privilege. It might mean just listening for a while - beyond “guilty white liberal” ears (it’s kind of like the problem of women trying to talk to men: we need to learn to listen, without having to jump in and define/solve the problem).

There’s always a lot “they” need to do.

The reality is that there are lingering postcolonial effects. Enlightenment was responsible for the demarcation of society by color. The spirit of black nationalism embraces and reinforces it. So there is a continual cycle of hostility, racism, hatred - these things make it impossible to just “forget” the past. We need a tool more active than simply “forgetting.” When I look at how Jesus started the movement that eventually became the church, it’s important to note that it began by changing the hearts of a few individuals. The individuals formed impacting communities. Then the communities impacted the social order. Your identity, your individual stories, are caught up in a greater story.

There must also be a spirit of forgiveness. Whether spoken or not, it seems like the tone of the conversation about the work for reconciliation rests on the backs of black people: “Can’t you get over it?” “Can’t you forgive white people?” Would you ask these questions of a rape victim? I’m not using that analogy capriciously. More on point, when should the victims be ready to forgive?

To move on, you have to have closure. Asking forgiveness opens dialogue. It’s hard to apologize for what someone else did as if it were your fault. However, I’ve realized that you are responsible if you are continuing the attitudes and behavior of the group you are apologizing for. Basically, it reminds me of the story Donald Miller tells in Blue Like Jazz, when he and some friends decided to open a confession booth in order to confess for the sins of the church.

Forgiving, even if unasked, helps the process of healing.

Lastly comes the conversations, the slow building of relationships. Racial oppression is supported by silence. Sometimes it goes to the heart of how we communicate. Master-slave, inferior-superior, minority-majority - these things can’t be our frame of reference. There is the bridge-building underlying condition: fear. Truth can be condemning. At the same time, truth is a liberating process. Reconciliation begins with honesty. We, black folks, can’t pretend that oppression didn’t happen. We, all of us, need thick skins for frank words, however. Healing is done one relationship at a time. We need to create structures that bring us together. I would suggest three such structures are already a part of the conversation: the church, mission, and ritual.

“For he himself is our peace, who has made the two one and has destroyed the barrier, the dividing wall of hostility, by abolishing in his flesh the law with its commandments and regulations. His purpose was to create in himself one new man out of the two, thus making peace, and in this one body to reconcile both of them to God through the cross, by which he put to death their hostility. “ –Ephesians 2:14-16

We’ve been reconciled as one body, yet we often don’t behave like it. Reconciliation is not a human quality. God’s mission, reconciling humanity to Himself, was His initiative. In response to this, the Christian church should be a community of people who refuse to be content with human pain and suffering. We are the answer to the problem of evil. We are the ones who believe in a gospel of liberation. We need to accept our new existence as agents of reconciliation

The church already has its mission, the missio Dei, joining in God’s mission to be a blessing to the world. We are called to a mission of reconciliation: one to another and one another to God. God’s reconciling act is centered on the cross, a gift of freedom. The resurrection is a sign that the powers have been defeated, though still active. The cross transforms our condition while also providing an example of hope. A faith with present-future components: the present reality lived in light of a future one. Being united in mission is a sanctifying process. To fight injustice and oppression; ministering to neighbors; not putting up fences or moving away develops disciplines needed for growth. With the help of the Holy Spirit, we practice Pentecost and live out the Gospel. Reconciliation touches the most hidden parts of our souls. God gave reconciliation to us as a ministry that never ends.

Which is why we need ritual. Reconciliation is much more than a one-time event by which a conflict is resolved and peace established. A ministry of reconciliation goes far beyond problem solving, mediation, and peace agreements. There is not a moment in our lives without the need for reconciliation. When we dare to look at the myriad hostile feelings and thoughts in our hearts and minds, we will immediately recognize the many little and big wars in which we take part. Our enemy can be a parent, a child, a “friendly” neighbor, people with different lifestyles, people who do not think as we think, speak as we speak, or act as we act. They all can become “them.” Right there is where reconciliation is needed.

Honesty, repentance, forgiveness, action - ritual is action. Not just to do, but also to remember. Thus we have things like the Black History Months and the Nguzo Saba (Seven Principles of Kwanzaa). To get us out of our comfort zones and break down hostility as well as oppression. Put simply, it’s about starting conversations.

Reconciliation is costly and often humbling. It involves risk. And it should be what we are about.

Lord knows we need it.


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Tract Sell Out Part II - Conversations

A conversation on selling vs. having conversations with people.

Secret Friend: I've been having difficulty with something they've asked us to do in (insert product/service of choice)
ME: what's that?
Secret Friend: this weekend - we're supposed to make "enrollment appointments" with people
ME: DON'T DRINK THE KOOL AID!!!! really? they want you to do sales pitches? ugh. that's the phase of my mom's involvement with (insert product/service of choice) that i avoided her like the plague.
Secret Friend: yeah - on one hand, yes - they are sales pitches
ME: and on the other hand - they're still sales pitches. :-)
Secret Friend: I agree - and that's the part of it that I have a problem with. I don't like that. I don't like how that comes across to people.
ME: talking about what it's done for you, how much it has helped you grow is one thing.
Secret Friend: I'm perfectly fine with telling people about it, and trying to inspire them to do something about getting their visions accomplished - and I know how much this can help with that
ME: all of a sudden it comes back to what kevin spacey's character said in the big kahuna.
Secret Friend: I know - and that's where I get hung up. I think a big part of it is me making too big of a deal about it
ME: i think it comes back to conversation. if, in talking to someone, you sense their need my be helped by (insert product/service of choice), you talk about that. if their need is more spiritual, then you direct them to the church you think would help them most.
Secret Friend: so my plan is to see these "appointments" as opportunities to connect with people. will I bring up (insert product/service of choice)? sure, because it's a big part of my life right now, and I believe in it. will I pressure them to do it? no - although I will encourage them to see how it could be a tool that could really help them in their lives. and if they're not open to the possibility - that's ok. I still want to inspire them to accomplish what's important to them, whether or not (insert product/service of choice) is a part of that.
ME: these appointments, are they times you set to meet with people specifically to bring up (insert product/service of choice)?
Secret Friend: yeah, pretty much.
ME: oh. yeah. i'd have problems with that too. especially as much as we talked about how we do evangelism wrong. much of the time. i mean, is that how you would "witness" to someone?
Secret Friend: but you know what? the REAL intention behind it is to help people accomplish their vision and more of what they want in their lives. so I'm going with that as my intention - if they're open to (insert product/service of choice) as a part of that, great. if not, I'm not going to make it this huge pressurized sales pitch. yep - and I agree with you about the witnessing - you know that. that's why I've struggled with this.
ME: i can imagine. you're simply substituting (insert product/service of choice) for Christ. you might as well be standing downtown and start passing out (insert product/service of choice) tracts. cause essentially, you're evangelizing in the name of (insert product/service of choice).
Secret Friend: so what do you think about what I said, about how I'm choosing to see it? even if I see that as what they're about with this - I don't have to be about it that way.
ME: i think you can choose to see it that way. but 1) you KNOW what you are doing, and 2) you KNOW how you felt when people did the same thing, selling Christ instead of (insert product/service of choice).
Secret Friend: you don't think there's a difference in approaching these appointments as just a sales pitch time as opposed to approaching them as a time to connect with people?
ME: if you were making appointments just to connect with people you haven't connected with in a while, that would be great. if you are going in with an agenda of any sort, you are really about the agenda, not about the person.
Secret Friend: this is a tricky thing to think about
ME: i know. because if you can rationalize it with (insert product/service of choice), then you would have to be able to rationalize it to evangelize. "witness"
Secret Friend: this may sound weird - but honestly, all the stuff we've been taught at (insert product/service of choice) about having conversations with people - does line up with what you just said.
ME: remember what kuroshii said. there's a fine line that the "enrollment appointments" crosses. it's fine, if that's the route you want to go with things. if you're selling (insert product/service of choice #1), (insert product/service of choice #2), or Christ. if you believe in your product, sell your product. but know that you are giving a sales pitch, not there to connect with the person. i don't care if people make appointments to hook up with their old friends and see where they are spiritually and talk to them about Christ. but they should at least be self-aware enough, honest with themselves, to know that they are salesmen. salesmen with a good product. and i hate to say this, but ben would have no problem with this strategy. that's just not where i am or where i want to be. but like i said, there's nothing wrong with the (insert product/service of choice) strategy. it's an approach that has worked for a long time and will continue to work. there is a place for it.
Secret Friend: I know - and it's frustrating. because I believe in (insert product/service of choice), and I think it's an awesome thing that really would benefit a lot of people, and be life-changing for some. But one of our "pillars" that we try to live by is being authentic - and you know how I already feel about all this when it comes to sales and evangelizing. And I'm trying to live my life authentically - so it's hard to line it all up. I've really struggled with this since they told us about making these "enrollment appointments" the other day.
ME: i can imagine. the struggle is because it DOESN'T line up with the other things they've taught. though i suppose it could if you were authentically a salesman. salesperson. sorry.
Secret Friend: It does, but it doesn't. I know that doesn't make sense. What it looks like - doesn't. At all. But the intention behind it - does. And so does the way they want us to be about it. That does line up. And even lines up with what you've said. Which is impossible for me to explain, but it's the truth.
ME: and that's fine. the intention behind evangelism is fine too. great. important. what we are to be about. doesn't make us anymore than salesmen if we go about it that way though. salesment in a righteous cause. but salesmen. and thus, ultimately, inauthentic. because we AREN'T there about the person. we're there about (insert product/service of choice). or Christ. and frankly, those folks would have a better argument for being "inauthentic" about Christ because that IS what we are to be about (Christ, not the inauthentic part)
Secret Friend: well - I am going to make my "appointments" this weekend be about the person I'm meeting with and connecting with them. I'm not going into any of them with the agenda of talking about (insert product/service of choice). If they want to know about my life, then yeah - (insert product/service of choice) will be talked about as part of my life. If they want to know more about (insert product/service of choice), I'll tell them more about (insert product/service of choice). But my intention is to be authentic.
ME: THERE YOU GO. just like if Christ came up, you'd talk about him because that's an important part of your life.
Secret Friend: right.
ME: see, tension all resolved.


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Tract Sell Out

So while I was at the World Fantasy Convention 2005, a group of us were walking back from dinner only to be accosted by a contingent of Campus Crusaders shilling tracts and asking if we knew Jesus as our Lord and Savior ... Apparently I can’t be pleased. “Witness” to me and I’ll lecture you about the limited effectiveness of this approach, especially in a postmodern age. Don’t witness to me, and I’ll complain about you not wanting me.

Sadly, this has been typical of my experience with folks who hand out tracts. Even when I’ve been the folks handing out tracts. It’s an impersonal action (that makes us feel like we’re “doing” something) over actually engaging the person we’re handing stuff to. You know, “I’m not going to take the time to get to know you, I’m gonna assume that you aren’t a Christian and would rather leave you info to get yourself into heaven.”

Anyway, this got me to thinking about how we should think about evangelism again, and how we go about doing it. The whole cold call, “if you were to die today do you know where you’d go”, “God has a plan for your life” constant hard sell works for some. It may have some value and some effect - some folks have “come to know the Lord” this way. If we can get to the point where we can say “that’s not how I would do things, but that doesn’t necessarily make it bad” then we are in a good place.

Now, this has nothing to do with the new American Tract Society release “Who is the Real Super Man?” Yes, I was commissioned to write a tract. It never occurred to me that people actually wrote them. Or were paid so well to do them. It was kind of like writing a romance novel: you want to stick to their structure and formula, while sneaking in your style, voice, and message. (Okay, I’d tell you more about it, but my hope is that my old church, who tends to question my theology, but also buys these tracts by the hundreds, buys them.)

Did I mention that it pays well?

As you know, if it leads even one person to Christ, then it was all worth it.


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Taking the Long View

House Minority Leader B. Patrick Bauer said there's a quick way to knock about 18 cents off every gallon of the increasingly pricey gasoline Hoosiers pump: Eliminate the sales tax. Bauer, D-South Bend, called on Gov. Mitch Daniels to declare an energy emergency and immediately suspend the sales tax on gasoline. Next year, he said, the legislature should make that permanent by eliminating the tax.

We’re a short attention span, me now, service me and my needs sort of society.
-I wanted to take a family vacation. Now!
-I wanted to be able to run around in our minivan. Now!
-I need to be able to come and go as I please, on my timetable. Now!

So if government cared, since we’re prone to putting emotions on big impersonal institutions, of course they might consider tax relief. On the surface, it’s a nice-looking short term solution. (We’ll conveniently ignore two things: 1) it’s our money in the first place that they are talking about not taking; 2) even if they do give up the chance to take more of our money - regardless of party, mind you, which goes against its institutional nature - they will have to make up the budgetary shortfall somehow. Or not. As long as a problem is dealt with Now!, who cares what the long term consequences might be.)

If we wanted to think long-term, however, let the high gas prices continue. We’ve always had pretty low gas prices, especially consider prices some are paying in other parts of the globe. We’re just now inching towards/passing the (inflation adjusted) gas prices highs of 1981. Let’s face it, oil is not a renewable resource. From 1975-now, fuel efficiency has improved about 10 miles per gallon. Thirty years of technological advancement has only eked out an extra 10 miles per gallon. We need to be developing alternatives, seriously pursue other technology, and since we’re short-term thinkers, we don’t unless we have to.

So yeah, we’ve had to cancel some vacations and find other ways to slow down. Yeah, we’ve had to drive our minivans less. Car pool more. Take mass transit more. We had to cut back spending in other areas. Is that so much of a sacrifice? For that matter, is that so bad at all?


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Ro Wedding

I mentioned yesterday that my sister asked me to officiate her wedding. Since I’m fairly new to this, I sat down with the happy couple in order to discuss about what I was planning on saying during my charge to the happy couple. I mean, who wouldn’t think that having their older brother performing the ceremony of their wedding is a good idea? It’s not like she ever went to my message board and posted embarrassing/humiliating pictures of me or anything. (Not that I had a chance to repay my little brother for his own brand of chaos at his wedding last month).

She vetoed any use of props. Then limited me to eight seconds of ad-libbed comments. However, I demonstrated just how long eight seconds was. After that, I had to submit my script in advance for approval. After that, she had two simple rules:

1. Stay on script
2. Don’t use “the voice” (apparently the clear signal to my friends that I’m about to make a spectacle of myself is that I start using my “preacher” voice. Mind you, it’s a voice that I never use when I actually speak in front of a congregation)

Here is the original draft:

Look at how many bridesmaids she has. Apparently if she’s ever said hello to you, you’re close enough to be in her wedding. I guess the reason she has so many bridesmaids is because we’re planning a march on Washington after the reception. They are like a walking Benetton ad. Black, white, Mexican. Black, white, Mexican. Black, white, ... all mixed up. Actually, I ain’t playing with the Mexicans. I’ve done been warned that if I start tripping, they’ll cut me.

I’m not here to question the virtue of my sister, I’m just saying that she ain’t got no business wearing white. Not that anyone with the last name Broaddus has any room to talk. White has been removed from our box of Crayolas. (So I obvious had to go get a new crayon. And make a couple more).

Which leads me to something. I want to talk a moment about my sister’s taste in men. My personal theory is that, like many women, my sister has found herself dating men much like her father. Our father. Now, my father’s a good man, but he has many dimensions to his character, and my sister has often gravitated to some of the ... lesser appreciated parts of his nature. Her baby’s daddy, for instance, Lord knows I tried to like him. But even Jesus is up in heaven saying “dag, he trifling.” (Cause, you know, that’s the way I hear my Lord. He’s down for whatever.) These are just jokes, man. I don’t need you getting your boys and trying to pop some caps in my ass.

Eric’s a good man. The first time I met him, he even made me feel safe. I had to stop myself from saying “Brotha, just hold me,” you know, in that manly way that men sometimes need to be held. I’m not talking about Brokeback Negroes or anything.

Rohini Broaddus, you are now Rohini Griffin. You leave behind the glorious Broaddus legacy. “What legacy?” you may be asking yourself. So allow me to explain to you what it means to be a Broaddus. On the whole, there are five points to being a Broaddus:

1. Sleep - really love it or really hate it (Jimi Hendrix’s “Manic Depression” is going through my head for some reason). Either we don’t sleep much at all or we never leave the bed. I’m talking, we can take our vacations and not move from bed.
2. Television - not like, not mindless vegging in front of the screen or the noise in the background variety of so-called tv-watching, but I’m talking a The Simpsons family level of love of it. With the added bonus of exceptionally discerning taste (although I can’t explain the female Broadduses love of reality television).
3. Porn - this is the iffy Broaddus gene. However, our scientists have determined that into each generation, one is chosen. A special one. A porn-er. Not me, not Ro ... so I’ll leave it as “she who shall not be named.”
4. Money - the love of money. The Daffy Duck level of greed. Greed that trumps common sense. (It was either money or point to our love of alcohol, but it was pointed out to me that we only drink when alone or when we’re with people or to dull the pain).

5. This last point is the one actually germaine to our discussion. Broadduses have an inability to sustain relationships. (As my wife would all-too-gladly point out, the longest time we were together without breaking up was our six week engagement period. Other than that, we were good for maybe two weeks at a time). This points more to our commitment issues. It usually takes 5-6 times before a relationship sticks. I know you two know nothing about that.

Eric and Ro have respected the marriage bed. I know because I asked him. Don’t worry, I chose a discreet time to ask. The two families were meeting for the first time over dinner. The brotha was minding his own business, had a roll in his mouth, and I turned to him and asked “have you been boning my sister?” I know most of you would think “Well, what’s he going to say in front of the parents?” If you think he wouldn’t be honest, you don’t know Eric (or my family for that matter - we don’t hide much from each other. We live for sharing too much information).

Now, can I tell you something? Can I be real with you for a minute? I’m not done with Eric. You see, a real man, a true leader of the home is a servant. I have watched this man serve his family. Put their needs and interests before his own. This ceremony has just made it official. He’s been family for a while.

Ro hates it when I do this to her, but my sister is my hero. Life hasn’t always been easy for her. Sometimes it’s been due to her own hard-headedness, sometimes, well sometimes life just happens. The mark of a true disciple of Christ isn’t how often you stumble or how often life trips you up. The true mark is in how you get back up. How you dust off your knees from prayer, and how you keep on keeping on.

So, to Eric and Rohini. May God continue to watch over you and bind you to Him and to each other.

Sexual Chocolate.*

(*Because it’s my belief that every facilitator should have a sign off to let folks know that he’s done. And I’m a big fan of the movie Coming to America)

Well, she liked the ending (minus the “Sexual Chocolate” thing). I guess she was aiming for something a bit more spiritual throughout. The rest, however, she said I should save for the reception. (Hmm, more of my sister’s wisdom: a Broaddus + an open bar + a microphone = BRILLIANT!)

P.S. This just got cut. “Eric you may now kiss your bride. But she’s still my sister, so no tongues.”


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My Sister’s Getting Married

Yeah, we’re interrupting this week’s edition of Friday Night Date Place because things are a little crazy this week. That’s my excuse anyway, though, I’m more likely to hear a round of huzzah’s from my subscribers. Anyway, it will be a long weekend. This week, among other things, I’m also hosting my older sister in preparation of my baby sister getting married.

Oh, by the way, I was asked to officiate the ceremony. Another idea that I’m sure looked good on paper.

I picture the wedding to go something like this [Oh Glory!] and my reception toast at the reception to go something like this [“I’m your conscience” (warning: profanity)].

(Yeah, yeah. I already got this notice from one of my message board regulars)
















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Accepted

“Because Rejection Blows”

Don’t ask me why, but I went into Accepted fully expecting to loathe this movie. I figured it would be little more than some lame, low brow humored vehicle, filled with gratuitous ... everything to cover up a lack of a plot or interesting characters. Instead, I got a very funny, intelligent comedy full of interested (and not stereotypical) characters. It’s easy to call this movie this generation’s Ferris Bueller’s Day Off with a dash of Animal House mixed in.

Best friends Bartleby and Sherman (Justin Long and Jonah Hill who were both in the Oxygen channel’s show, Campus Ladies - I, lacking a vagina, cannot find the Oxygen channel on my cable system) find themselves in a scheme that quickly gets away from them as they fake a college that would accept Bartleby. The premise is a little shaky, suspension of disbelief a must, but we’re swept up in their “make it up as we go along” scheme on the strengh of the charm of the actors. The many slapstick elements of the movie are ably handled by Long, who proves quite adept at physical comedy.

“Maybe you’re just too average.” –Bartleby

Sometimes people find themselves in places in life where they never expected to be, set adrift on the sea of life. Maybe they didn’t get into the school they wanted. They blew out a knee and lost their football scholarship. They were just too weird, either socially clueless or incapable of developing a relationship. They have bought the “I am not/I can be if ...” lie: “I am not successful.” “I am not somebody.” (Or, as Bartleby puts it, “I hate my life. I’m a complete tool.”). The other half of the lie being “I can be if I get into college.” “If I have classic good looks.” “If I have a car.”

So, where can a group of misfits and rejects go to be accepted?

“Society has rules. And the first rule is you go to college.” –Dad (Mark Derwin)

Not the traditional institutions. “College is a service industry,” the Dean/Uncle Ben (the inspired casting choice of Lewis Black) opines, a place to receive a paid service, as in “serve us”. This mentality of going to a place in order to have that place meet our needs has found its way into every aspect of what the institution is about, leading to a country club mentality. Breeding another generation of buyers and sellers, locked in a modern paradigm that produces a generation of consumers. Creating their own brand of a verdant buffer zone meant to keep knowledge in and ignorance out. The institution tirelessly clings to their traditions, never questioning what those traditions are for. Exclusion marking their election or being chosen? Their ivory towers’ idea of “real” learning? The number of people marking their impact?

“Welcome to the conversation.” –Dean

So the outcasts who have been rejected by every local congregation of learning have to create their own community. They have to figure out and go back to what the traditional places were supposed to be about and then pursue that mission. They have to try to figure out a better way to learn rather than simply going through the motions, rather than going slowly insane as they try to follow the traditions for no reason.

The traditionalist in Sherman wants to remain focused on doing things as they had been done, not rocking the boat, staying true to the traditional model even though it made him miserable. Meanwhile, Bartleby accidently starts a movement to re-think the institution through conversation. A postmodern approach to education. To become a community of learning. To experiment. No tests. No essays. No required reading. No learning just to pass tests. A place to go to when the old disciplines didn’t work anymore. Where everyone is on a journey together, with the students being teachers as well.

There is a place for the traditional as well as the innovative models. You don’t reject innovation, you watch it, and like any good experiment, learn from it where you can. Sometimes it’s about following your heart vs. staying safe. You can’t help but wonder whether if Bartleby and friends had put this kind of energy, industry, and creativity into their previous academic career, they wouldn’t be here in the first place. Then again, they hadn’t been inspired to move beyond their best.

“A lot of things in my life were real when I thought they were fake. Why can’t the opposite be true?” –Monica

People looking to be accepted. A place of belonging. A place of community. A place of shared common mission. A safe place to work out their questions. A place where “we say yes to your hopes. Yes to your dreams. Yes to your flaws.” Sounds like the mission of the church, however the church may look.

The story of Accepted is fairly simple and predictable, but you enjoy the characters so much that you'll give it a passing grade.

Plus, my sister loved, loved, LOVED! it.


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Why I’ll Never Have a Pastor’s Wife

There was one time, again while she was pregnant, the two of us and some friends were coming in from a night at the movies. These two dudes start walking up on us yelling. I tell everyone to get inside, and I go to see what their problem is. I barely get halfway toward the dude when I hear this fast-paced waddling behind me. I turn around, there she is. “What are you doing?” I ask. “Thought you could use some back up,” she said. The men apologized for yelling and moved on. This is the woman I am married to.

I woke up Sunday morning, at 9:30 a.m., needing to be at my friend’s house by 10.

“Alright, see you, honey,” I said, scrambling to put my shoes on and run out the door.
“Have fun,” she says, “by the way, I almost got into a bar fight last night.”

At this point, I realize that I’m going to be late to my friend’s house.

My sister is getting married next weekend. Which means this weekend was the bachelorette party. The ladies ended up going to a dance club. Among those accompanying my wife were not only my sister, but also two young ladies we’ve come to think of as our daughters. Well, the ladies were doing their thing, dancing and having fun, when a drunk guy comes up behind one of our “daughters,” pulling at her shirt like he had intentions of sticking his hand up it. My wife goes into, um, slightly over-protective mode and, well ... shoves the guy into a wall.

“Back off,” she says in the same tone she asks me to pick up my underwear from the floor. Drunk guys dances off.

Ten minutes later, drunk guy dances his butt back over. Pawing on our friend then repeatedly trying to kiss her. Now you have to understand, the ones with the most clubbing experience, not to put too fine a point on things, have the last name Broaddus. So my wife plants the guy into the wall again and says “Don’t make me end you.” (Which I’m sure answers the question “what would Jesus do?” to my satisfaction). Drunk guy dances off.

Ten minutes later, drunk guy starts dancing back again. This time, my delicate flower of a bride cocks her fist and heads toward him. Apparently his friend realizes that my wife is not playing and steps between them with promises that they were about to leave the club for the evening.

That’s my down ass girl.

(It’s also why when people ask about how I can have a “con wife.” I point folks to my “con wife” directly who promptly reason why nothing will ever happen: “I don’t want Sally kicking my ass.”)

As I’ve said before, I am the facilitator for The Dwelling Place (for those having trouble finding the office of facilitator defined in the Bible, if you check the original Greek, the word we translate as facilitator comes from the word also translated loosely as “semi-meaningless title so that we don’t have to explain to church visitors why one of the church leaders writes scary stories”). That’s also because I take the passages describing what a pastor should be like quite seriously. It’s serious business, and I don’t think I’m there (or may ever be). So I don’t want that word strapped to me - or me giving the title a bad name with my antics. However, I think more pastor’s wives would do well to be like mine. I’m just saying.


P.S. Why My Boys are Exhausting

While my wife was off gallivanting this weekend, I was in charge of the boys. Now, you people have no idea what it’s like raising these two (or why we don’t want to have anymore). The great thing about having boys this close together in age is that they always have someone to play with (read: entertainment when daddy’s off writing). The downside is that they still have the last name Broaddus, meaning their names could be changed to “Co” and “Conspirator”. From an early age, it was pretty obvious that Reese was the brains and Malcolm was the muscle of their relationship - kind of mirroring me and my brother’s relationship. Everything is a scheme for Reese: it’s easier for him to scheme than to simply ask. Malcolm just loves the thrill (we’re talking about the escape artist. He can scale door frames like Spider-Man, since he was 3 and can master most mechanical objects after watching you do something once). My wife and I often hit mute on the television, since they haven’t mastered whispering, so we could hear them saying things like “Malcolm, you run in and distract them, then I can get the cookies.”

Which brings me to today.

We’re at BW-3, getting some chicken wings to go, and I give each of the boys a quarter to get a bubble gum ball. No bouncy balls, I immediately say. So I help Malcolm get his gum when I hear this click next to me. Reese has a ball.

“That’s it. You can’t obey so ball and gum are mine.” And I slip them into my pocket.

Ten minutes go by as we go about a restroom break and collecting our food. The boys are trotting off ahead of me when Reese suddenly trips Malcolm, who falls and starts crying. I scoop Malcolm into my arms and onto my shoulder where he immediately slumps like an exhausted teddy bear. We walk out of the restaurant and it I hadn’t have looked down at the food, I would never have seen the lithe arm snaking into my pocket.

“You’ve got to be kidding me. Were you even hurt?”
“I, uh, feel much better.” Malcolm. Age 4. I think the next set of pictures of my boys should be mug shots. Just so I can get used to the image.

I am living my parents curse: “I hope you get sons just like you.”


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