Friday Night Date Place – Circles of Friends

Since this seems to be friendship week on the blog, I thought that I would continue the theme through this week’s Friday Night Date Place. Sometimes in learning to be a contented single it helps to have a circle of friends. Friendships can assuage some of our intimacy needs as well as take the edge off the constant boogeyman of singleness: loneliness.

I think I’ve mentioned before how I was once part of a singles group and how these groups can sometimes develop strange dynamics. The key was understanding the "politics" of them:
-those who make "friends" strictly as an opportunity to date those within the circle
-those who genuinely want friends
-those who just want folks to kill time with until they find someone and then they can disappear
-those who want an entertainment circle

To break the groups down even further, there are planners and there are those who wait for invites and not always do the two meet. I was a planner: I would get bored, decide to do something, and call some folks to join me. Oh, the crap I’d take if I didn’t always invite the right folks (the right folks defined as those who might hear of people getting together and them not getting the invite and then getting bent out of shape over it).

Of course the accusation of the group having "cliques" was bandied about. Not understanding that sometimes I want to hang out with other folks or even just my closest folks. [Just as there are good cliques and bad cliques, there are levels of friendships.] It got to the point where I felt made to feel guilty for not calling folks every time I took a crap. What was on display was the fear of being outside the clique or their friendship rejected or them not being accepted (in fact, the only way to get away complaint free literally was to make every "activity" open to everyone/call everyone – which sort of ruined opportunities for smaller groups to get to know and spend time with each other). A valid fear, since we all prone to believing lies about ourselves—that we’re not good enough, not likeable enough, not funny enough, too hard to be loved—not realizing that we all suffer from moments of these feelings.

One solution was to say "why don’t you plan something?" However, planning takes risk too. The same risk as any attempt to increase intimacy: what if you plan something and no one shows up? Then your attempt to reach out is met with a slap. Some people are simply relationally lazy/afraid: they expect everyone to come to them, to bend to their needs, call them (because their hands are obviously broke)and chase after them. It’s a safe position that minimizes their risks (but maximizes their need to complain when people aren’t cooperating). But, seriously, people aren’t always going to chase after you. [I’m not Captain Sensitivity on this point: I had a girlfriend who used to love making dramatic exits expecting me to follow after her. Dramatic stunts like that only made me reach for the remote control to see what was on television.]

The temptation is to say "put your big girl panties on" when folks complain or just say "screw it, I’m tired of being constantly tested and doubted. Yes, you’ve got me. I actually hate you. " The natural question to ask then becomes why bother? Seriously, why make the effort to dance around the neurotic landmines of even worrying about folks who seem determined to look for cracks in relationships, communities, and fellowship? Well, because we’re called to love one another, to bear one another’s burdens, and to be the "stronger brother". So you spend a lot of time balancing out various folks’ needs and insecurities while trying to maintain your own friendships. (But, as the "stronger brother", you do that friend no favors by just bending around them. You are to push them also.)

Eventually I left that singles group in order to help plant the Dwelling Place. I knew the tenor of the relationships would change. It’s not that we were suddenly any less friends, but I would be out of the rhythm of their lives and I/they would have to work harder to maintain the relationships. Is all of this effort worth it? Well, a solid circle of friends is always worth it; being as considerate as possible, helping folks form friendships, and easing them through their bouts of doubts and insecurity helps form you into a better friend. Just understand that developing a community of friends requires careful care and feeding.

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Intellectual Property

I’m eventually going to die.

Nothing exactly startling or revelatory, however, it is a reality we all must face. Actually, I’ve come to find out that it’s a fairly common fear among writers that once they sign a book deal or are about to see their first work in print, they become convinced that they won’t live to see their work in print.

Once we got all of the financial matters taken care of, that left what to do with my un/published work and started me thinking about what would happen to my work once I’m gone.

Continued on Blogging in Black.


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Moonlight – A Review

Since apparently only geeks stay home, the latest entry into the Friday night/genre death slot has arrived. Twenty years ago, creator Ron Koslow gave us that paranormal romance, Beauty and the Beast. Paired with Ghost Whisperer, Moonlight seems like a good fit. Not that it tries too hard, but Moonlight won’t be able to escape the Forever Knight (and, for that matter, Angel) comparisons.

Private investigator, Mick St. John (Alex O'Loughlin), was transformed into a vampire 60 years ago by his ex-wife, thus he remains the perfectly preserved thirty something do-gooder for hire. Playing web casting Lois Lane to his undead Superman is Beth (Sophia Myles), who shares a bond with him. Rounding out their little ensemble is his 400-year-old friend Josef (Jason Dohring), who is a part of some greater vampire conspiracy/network only interested in his selfish pursuits and keeping the reality of vampires a secret.

At some point they will hopefully re-think the voice over exposition. Not that the device works often (Desperate Housewives and Burnout being exceptions), but for the device to work, the narrating character needs to have something interesting to say or at least say it interestingly. In Moonlight’s case, the voice of the character lands somewhere between emo, Anne Rice-an and poor film noir, except devoid of humor and anything engaging. Acknowledging that a joke is bad ("being a vampire sucks") doesn’t make it any better.

"When you live forever, the past always catches up to you." –Mick

Moonlight has redefined vampire lore (albeit awkwardly, in a talk show format, pre-credits "interview") so that there is very little religious overtone to the vampire mythology, except for the idea of blood leading to eternal life. However, it isn’t his vampire nature that is the spiritual lynchpin of the show, but rather his humanity. His choice in vocations and how he chooses to live his life is what is of interest.

"There is no time. There is no life. There is no death. It is a perfect world, seemingly everlasting, until we are ripped from the womb into daylight. When we are born, that paradise is lost and we spend the rest of our days trying to find out way back. Back to that perfect world." –resident bad guy

The fallen state that we find ourselves in leads Mick to confess that "For the longest time I was like most people, looking out for myself." He reaches a climax point in his life when he realizes that living his life for his own ends and purposes is a hollow pursuit which is why he begins living his life for others. It is his attempt at redemption. At the same time, "the thirst for blood is symbolic of a deeper hunger," a desire to connect. He has a longing to connect not only to his lost humanity but to others and perhaps find himself.

In the twenty years since Beauty and the Beast, the mopey, melancholy hero (especially in vampire form) has been done to undeath. O'Loughlin doesn’t bring anything to the role beyond the ability to pose and we’re still waiting for the chemistry between him and Beth to take root. (Although, the whole "I’ve been watching you since you were a child" vibe is probably the creepiest thing about the show). Apparently the key to doing something new with vampires is to make them boring and unsexy. Brilliant!

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K-Ville – A Review

"Life After the Fall"

I long advocated a CSI: New Orleans when it was in the idea pile (before they settled on the "been there" setting of New York). My chief reasoning being that the cities, Las Vegas (original C.S.I.) and Miami, were as much a character as any other regular. With K-Ville, we finally have a series set in New Orleans, though it does its level best to squander the opportunity.

Basically your standard interracial buddy cop team, one partner being ex-Special Forces, the other half a nut job, you can’t help but think of something like Lethal Weapon crossed with Miami Vice. But because of the particular sentiment swirling around New Orleans, especially in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, race and politics provide a vital undercurrent to the show ... and the people an exploited one.

Anthony Anderson, still prone to screaming half of his lines, plays caring family man cop, Marlin Boulet. His former partner, Charlie Pratt (Derek Webster), burned out on the job during the Hurricane Katrina crisis. As the show opens, he is being assigned a new partner, Trevor Cobb (Cole Hauser). Once we get through the introductions and setting, we’re left with (sub-)standard procedural fare.

"I guess you’re human." –Trevor

The show is not subtle about the state of New Orleans (and bounces along to an equally subtle soundtrack). Rich racial and spiritual implications abound in the show, but it is the treatment of the disenfranchised that buoys it. Few have ever considered Fox philanthropic, but the show does draw attention to the inconvenient reality of our poor. After tragedies, we want to move on quickly, ignoring the reality of more pressing economic priorities, that played a part in why the tourist areas were back up quick, slapping a shiny, happy face on the situation, while the poor areas were left in disarray, the casualties of trickle down help.

Ayana: Just look around … it’s not the same place and it’s never gonna be.
Marlin: It will be if we fight for it.

In a lot of ways, Hurricane Katrina represented their story taking a different turn, much like the idea of "the Fall": the sin of Adam and Eve. Moving beyond a literal interpretation of the story, Adam’s sin represented humanity seeking its own way. Our pursuit of what we hope to create out of rebellion (the lie of independence)—attempting to write our own stories—all the while ignoring the grand story of which we’re a part. Relationships are broken and we’re left with conflict: man vs. man; man vs. God; man vs. self; man vs. Creation. One of the things that makes suffering so bad is the sense, the part of us that knows, that things aren’t as they’re supposed to be.

"If you get a second chance then you’re changing your life." –Trevor

While some have said that Hurricane Katrina was God's judgment against our embrace of homosexuality and abortion, the hard reality is that if we're going to be judged, it will be on how we treat, in Jesus' words, "the least of these". The poor. The disenfranchised. We are to be witnesses of hope and the first ones to protest this violent order of the way things are; we draw near to the suffering, continue to ask "why?", and then act in compassion. Our lives become pursuits of putting things back together after bad things happen. In K-Ville we see most of the characters in search of redemption, from the ex-partner to the current one.

"Isn’t this a bit overboard?" –Trevor

K-Ville brings big gun battles set in the Big Easy, so it is a show completely dependent on its context, bringing little new to the table. I keep waiting for Anderson and Hauser to break out somehow rather than play within the ciphers they’ve been given as characters. The show has just enough promise to justify a couple more episodes to see if it will shake out its kinks and grow into the show it wants to be.

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Circle of Friends: Care and Feeding

You know what? Many of us have difficulty telling our friends how much they mean to us. In fact, we’re on the verge of taking them for granted, either by not calling them, seeing them, or otherwise spending time with them as often as we should. (And, yes, I’m especially talking to the “I ALWAYS call them first” folks, because friendship isn’t about keeping score.)

Granted, this was a lesson hard learned. I once had a case of “loving someone from afar”, you know the deal where you have feelings for someone but never quite muster up the testicular fortitude to say anything about it. A year later, she married someone other than me. When I asked her what drew her to him, she said that she was looking for was a guy who was just like me. So I vowed to never let anyone out of my life without letting them know how I felt about them.

Of course, now I’ve swung so completely in that direction that if I have extra time to kill (read: stuck in traffic), I play cell phone lottery. I’ll randomly punch through my address book and whoever I land on gets a phone call and “I love you” message. (Rules modified if I land on my work number).

It boils down to the fact that many of us are afraid to put ourselves “out there.” To risk possible rejection, to be vulnerable, to open ourselves up. Love, even love among friends, is a risky proposition, but one that is well worth it. We are wired for relationships and that includes cultivating our circle of friends. I also get that I risk losing my guy card by advocating something as radical as expressing how you feel, even if it’s to one of your boys.

So, never take your people for granted. Tell them how much they mean to you and have a random “I love you” day. Sure, they’ll make fun of you for it (believe me, they’ll make fun of you for it), but they’ll also appreciate it (on some level. I hope).

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Facing Your Friends Part II

Speaking of Apex Science Fiction and Horror Digest, they were recently written up with some complimentary things said about them. So after being welcomed into the family, I read with interest about the upcoming APEX - Halloween Grab-Bag Raffle:

You'll find nothing but TREATS here, guaranteed! Here's a chance to fill your pillowcase with all sorts of goodies, including rare items from some of the biggest names in the field. For only $1.00 per ticket. And, a percentage of all proceeds made will go to the National Center for Family Literacy!

One "ticket" will be selected as the winner for each item. So, the more "tickets" you buy, the greater your chances... Winners announced on Halloween at midnight . To bid on any of the fantastic items, just visit www.ApexDigest.com and simply put a "1" in the quantity field (for a charge of just $1). For a better chance at winning your item, just put in a "2" or a "3" (or a "20") and your chances will increase accordingly! Good luck!

This is just some of what you'll find to bid on:
* In-depth short story critiques offered by famed writers and editors.
* Copy edited original manuscript of Titan signed by Ben Bova.
* Signed HCs of Homebody, Magic Street or Pastwatch by Orson Scott Card.
* Signed MMPB of The Keeper by Sara Langan.
* Signed TPB French edition of The Girl Next Door by Jack Ketchum.
* Promotional Moral Orel photo or t-shirt signed by actress Carolyn Lawrence (voice of Orel).
* Signed copies of award winning writer M.M. Buckner's: Hyperthought, Neurolink, and War Surf.
* Original hand-written poem framed with signed photo of Grim Trixter author Brandy Schwan.
* Signed reader's copies of Mary Doria Russell's new novel Dreamers of the Day.
* Awesome stuff from Aradani Studios (Paul and Michael Bielaczyc).
* Signed, HC limited edition copy of Dreadful Skin by Cherie Priest.
* Giant gift box from Horrorview.com. including videos, shirts, etc.
* Signed copies of Steven Savile's Warhammer trilogy: Retribution, Dominion, and Inheritance .
* Three signed, sexy PR photos of author Angeline Hawkes-Fulbright.
* HC of DUNE: The Machine Crusade or Ignition signed by co-author Kevin J. Anderson.
* Signed, HC of Metal Swarm by author Kevin J. Anderson. This is the UK edition.
* Signed, MMPB of The Freakshow by Bryan Smith.
* Signed Tales of… pack by Geoffrey Girard: Atlantic Pirates, Jersey Devil, and Eastern Indians.
* One year subscription to Shimmer Magazine
* Signed & Limited Edition of I Sing the Body Electric! by Ray Bradbury (retail value of $150).
* Signed copies of The Magic Goblet and The Magic Ring edited by Dr. Amy H Sturgis.
* HC of The Last Rakosh by F. Paul Wilson.
* TPB of Wet Work by Philip Nutman.
* Signed, limited HC of Offspring by Jack Ketchum.
* Signed Sterling Edition (publisher's copy with slipcase) of The Tery by F. Paul Wilson.
* Galaxy Press/Writers of the Future Educators Pack – many books!
* Blood-signed (by contributor Jodi Lee) TPB of Echoes of Terror anthology.
* Extended Play: The Elastic Book of Music anthology edited by Gary Couzens.
* Abaddon Books Gift Pack – many books!
* Autographed ARC of Robert McCammon's Speaks the Nightbird.
* Brian Keene pack: The Rising, City of the Dead, Terminal, Ghoul, Conqueror Worms, and Dead Sea .
* And much, much more………

I keep scanning and scanning and scanning, but I don’t see "win original Alethea Kontis" origami nor "win a date with Maurice Broaddus." He knows nothing about how to market. I’d even wear the red suit.

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Facing Your Friends

At Apex Day, I ended up in two separate discussions, one with Brian Hatcher and the other with Michael West, about their love of going into bookstores and "facing" the books of writers they know (Facing means turning books out so that folks can see the whole cover, not just a spine and allowing those writers more book shelf real estate). They were making an interesting case for how they support the genre.

Now, granted, I believe in "supporting teh genre" like I do apologetics: if God needs me to defend Him, we’re all screwed. Still, I’m always surprised when writers complain about there not being enough good markets and readers complaining about the cost of magazines, and quality free (and professional paying) magazines, such as Horror Literature Quarterly and Noctem Aeternus go under-subscribed.

Apex Day was a blast. I’ve talked about some folks being family, but it was cool being welcomed into the Apex family (of mixed nuts). Sure I’m going to be their featured writer next month, but I wanted to support Gary Braunbeck and Lucy Snyder and Jason Sizemore and Geoffrey Girard and the rest of the Apex Crew. But there was a certain amount of self-interest involved: it was an excuse for me to hang out with Doug Warrick, Sara Larsen, Alethea Kontis and Debbie Kuhn (even if she makes you chase her down for a hug).

Too often we get bogged down in "how can I market me" spirals of thought. Granted, we have no obligation to advance the genre beyond writing our best stories. However, some of us are a part of communities despite our solo pursuits. It’s a lesson I need to keep learning. There are times when we can get pretty mercenary in our pursuits/networking. However, when you support your friends, you’d be surprised how many friends will bend over backwards to help you when your time comes. Consider this blog me facing some of my friends. But I’m still not going to buy a copy of Chesya’s novel when it eventually comes out. I’ve EARNED my free copy, dang it.

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Circle of Friendship: Cliques Happen

People who have been to the Broaddus Household have seen our "family wall". Someone once described it as the visual story of our lives, a reminder of the people who make up the fabric of our lives. The story starts when you first enter our front door with pictures of our biological family (family by blood).

It winds around the corner along the hallway of the bedroom for our friends family (family we choose).

There is a blank space above the hutch in our dining room. That is where the pictures of my "writing family" is going.

I know that I’m in the minority in thinking this, but while all groups have cliques, there are good cliques and there are bad cliques. Good cliques are a close group of friends, people who naturally gel together. Closer friendships/relationships will just happen among folks; this is how community is formed. Bad cliques are an exclusionary group, folks who run around for all intents and purposes saying "you" can't be our friend.

You know what? Cliques happen. Some people gel together more quickly and closer levels of frienship develop with some than with others. On the flip side, some people struggle with the idea of community, having been betrayed or abused by it in the past. They don’t trust it, don’t want to trust it, and look for the first signs of history repeating itself. In a lot of ways, this stunts their ability to create circles of friends.

I think some people see a close knit community and long to be a part of something like that themselves not quite realizing that these things form over time – a mix of chemistry and history that leads to intimacy. At the same time, sometimes—whether by choice (not hanging out with their folks) or by action (by breaking trust)—people remove themselves from those circles, which makes it hard to complain about not being in folks’ inner circle. I think I’ll take up this topic in this week’s Friday Night Date Place.

My family wall humbles me. When I walk up and down the hallway I, realize how blessed we are. Some people are lucky to find one good friend, much less the bunch that we have. Still, my feelings are tempered by realizing how much work we put into making those friends. And friendships take work.

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Circle of Friends: On Friendship

I went out to lunch the other day with my friend Rob Rolfingsmeyer (because constant phone calls and IM conversations aren’t enough - we're not going to be happy until we're hetero life partners) and we were discussing the nature of friendship. It struck us as funny how some relationships seem to click immediately, how some folks can know each other for a long time and yet be little more than acquaintances; but others we can know for a short time and those people feel like they’ve always been a part of our lives.

I firmly believe that we’re too quick to call some people friends. We call folks we’ve met a few times friends; we call people we’ve shared message board space friends; we call business associates friends. I suspect that part of this might stem from an idea that it would be rude to not call someone we know a friend (I once corrected someone who called me a friend by saying that we were actually acquaintances. You would think that I took their family pet and used it for piñata practice. Awkward lesson learned: sometimes it’s easier to just go with the popular definition of a word).

The reality is that we have spheres of friendship which are defined by levels of intimacy. We have those folks in closest orbit to us (the smallest circle of friends) and as we move away in levels of intimacy, those spheres include more and more people. I have folks in my life who I am close to and I have folks in my life who assume they are closer to me than they are. It doesn’t make us any less friends.

Friendships are forged through defining moments and history. Have you noticed that some friendships can miss weeks, months, or years between contact, but pick up right where they left off? The key ingredient is intimacy (or else you are left with an acquaintance you’ve known a long time). And intimacy takes time, a reciprocal process of revealing and sharing with one another, as trust and love are established.

We can all stand to be better friends, to learn how to peer out of our spheres of self-involvement and self-focus. Good friendships rare enough and should be treasured when you find them.

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Friday Night Date Place - The Let's Just be Friends Lie

You know, when I started "Friday Night Date Place," I figured that after maybe ten blogs or so, I'd run out of stuff to say. Luckily for me, I still hang out with my single friends, and they can be a bitter, bitter bunch. Yay friend fodder!

For today's topic, I think it prudent to once again mention that I’m not the best person to take advice from on how to deal with break ups. However, there is one idea that I wanted to examine: this notion of ending things on the note of “let's just be friends.” Let’s face it, whenever I have told someone that “we can still be friends” what I really meant was "I really don't want to be around you anymore but let’s part on good terms so that my pets don't end up in a pot of boiling water." (My other policy was straight “scorched earth”: usually by the time a relationship with me had run its course, neither she, her family, her friends, her work colleagues, nor her pets wanted anything to do with me).

Oddly enough, the world is not populated by people who think like me and some people really mean it when they say they want to remain friends. I think the question we have to examine is would we really WANT to be “just friends”? I think there are a few complications you’d have to keep in mind:

-the emotional confusion: the stuff that attracted you to each other is still there. Time is a dual edged sword. Given time, you will have moments of being drawn to each other, especially given your history. It would be hard not to want to be close again. However, time also dulls your memory and you forget that the reasons you broke up are still there also.

-future relationships: your future significant others might not be cool with the idea of you and your exes hanging out.

-and then there’s “NO!”: you know what? I have enough friends. I don’t need someone to do my hair and have pillow fights with. (Okay, I don’t know where I was going with this, but I’m now stuck with the image of me and Wrath James White in our undies and feathers flying all about us). Anyway, the point is that there are some folks you don’t want to think of as friends nor want them thinking of you as friends because your heart will always want more from the relationship.

If you’re serious about remaining friends, you have to allow space and time before proceeding. Space for the two of you to gain some distance, get on with your lives a bit, fall into new (or sometimes old) routines. Time to heal from the relationship, to let the memories of the relationship fade, and to let the affairs of the heart settle a bit. Getting over the loves of our lives takes time. I wish there were some magic formula, but the best we can usually hope for is that things will "hurts less". Once they do, you can truly re-visit the idea of being “just friends”.


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For those keeping score at home

Elementary schools in Cheyenne, Wyoming and Spokane, Washington have banned tag at recess because they don’t want kids chasing each other; plus, it might lead to harassment. Other schools have dumped contact sports such as soccer and touch football. This is on top of all the other schools that have already gotten rid of dodgeball.

Alright parents, enough is enough. I get that we want to keep our kids safe. I realize that I risk sounding like an old man telling his kids how “back in my day, swings were wood and if we fell off we landed on pavement,” but where have all our games gone?

Continued on Intake's "What's up with games?"

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Cane – A Review

Blair Underwood. Heather Locklear. Jimmy Smits. These are who I like to think of as good television folks. These are the kind of folks who you just enjoy watching on the small screen and can improve whatever show they are on simply by the power of their presence. So you know that means I’m just happy to see Jimmy Smits (NYPD Blue) back on television on the show Cane.

Smits plays Alex Vega, heir apparent to the rum and sugar empire of a large Cuban-American family. Pancho Duque (Hector Elizondo, Chicago Hope) creates all sorts of rivalries when he settles on his son-in-law Alex over his natural son, Frank (Nestor Carbonell). Yeah, I said the sugar cane business; it’s not very sexy, but once you get past that and focus on the intrigue of family politics, rival businesses, and the betrayals of each, you have an interesting show. It’s a show about a family trying to live the American Dream and make the most of the land of opportunity.

“You do what you have to do for your family.” Santo (Oscar Torre)

Cane revolves around the idea of family. Sometimes the definition of family needs to be broadened; for example, friends are the family you choose. Some folks have adopted family, yet regardless, we strive for a sense of unity within our diversity. We weren’t created to be islands of solitude. This self-sufficient image may work for some, but it was not what we were created to be. We were born for relationships–be they family, friendships, or colleagues–and that is what shapes us (though the absence of relationships also form us). We were created as relational beings and we live in the context of family. In taking on one another’s burdens, we define what’s best about family.

There’s nothing new here. Too many stock characters, more clichéd glyphs than real people: from the patriarch to the outsider heir apparent to the disgruntled son (Frank) to rambunctious teens (to bring the sexy back). There is also a disturbing Cubans vs. “Americans” subtext (those darn immigrants co-opting our dream) that runs as an undercurrent. Cane is a mix of The Sopranos (maybe more the short-lived but wonderful, Kingpin) and Dallas except with a Cuban-American family. It’s like comfort television.


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Viva Laughlin – A Review

I know the executives are going to get quickly sick of this comparison, but did Cop Rock teach us nothing? Is there some pop culture zeitgeist building for the return of the musical drama that I am heretofore unaware of? At one point Hugh Jackman (a long way from playing Wolverine in the X-Men movies) bursts into a room singing the Rolling Stones’ “Sympathy for the Devil.” I understand the need for creativity and we’re tired of the same old-same old, but singing and dancing along to the background music seems pointless, distracting, and, its biggest sin, doesn’t advance plot. It might as well be music playing along in the background.

But I’m getting ahead of myself.

Based on the British hit, Viva Blackpool, Viva Laughlin revolves around Ripley Holden (Lloyd Owen) whose casino, in Laughlin, Nevada, has its grand opening threatened. Its big investor is found dead in his office, Ripley has been sleeping with the guy’s wife, Ripley becomes the prime suspect in his death, and his rival, Fontana (the aforementioned Mr. Jackman) eyes a takeover opportunity.

And folks break out into singing the soundtrack music.

“Let me show you what believing can do.” --Ripley

Ripley is so focused on living the American Dream, he hasn’t stopped to examine if his “dream” is worth living. Like the show, The Riches, this show realized that too often we believe that if we can just get that dream, that castle, that we’ll have the time and the opportunity to make up the costs of what it took to get them. We have faith in the belief that once we attain the dream, everything will work out.

“You are not who you are pretending to be.” Bunny Baxter (Melanie Griffith)

So we seek a new, presumably better identities for ourselves, surrounding ourselves with the trappings of success, ever wanting improvement for our lives, accepting the costs of moving on up. Ripley becomes so lost in his skewed value system when it comes to his pursuit of wealth and the costs of consumerism, he neglects much of what really matters. His various self-salvation schemes, his narcissism and his materialism come at the cost of wrecking the lives of those around him.

The over the top premise unfortunately lends itself to a lot of shrill and overblown performances. It needs to make up its mind about whether it wants to go campy or not. The show has the star power (if not the star vocals), but if it stays around more than a month I’ll be surprised.


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The Big Bang Theory - A Review

Nerds are the new chic. Think about it: Hiro from Heroes, Hurley from Lost, Dr. Spencer Reid from Criminal Minds. So it was only a mat ter of time before nerd sitcoms (nerdcoms?) came down the development pipeline: NBC’s The IT Crowd, ABC’s Miss/Guided, and CBS’s The Big Bang Theory. Let me first start out by admitting that sitcoms aren’t my thing. I watch four (not counting The Simpsons or Family Guy): 30 Rock, The Office, Scrubs, My Name is Earl. I long ago grew tired of the laugh track on overdrive.

The only reason I gave The Big Bang Theory a shot was because it was directed by industry legend, James Burrow (everything from Will & Grace to Friends to Frasier to Cheers to Taxi), who has a great track record of getting pilots onto the air and written by Chuck Lorre (Two and a Half Men, Dharma & Greg – although, frankly, that Dharma & Greg credit should actually have given me pause).

“It’s a paradox. Paradoxes are a part of nature.” Leonard

It’s a comedy about two genius roommates, Leonard (Johnny Galecki) and Sheldon (Jim Parsons), who understand the workings of the universe, but can’t figure out women. Now they get the girl, Penny (Kaley Cuoco), who’s hot, but we’re not clear if she can talk and change channels at the same time. So when they aren’t watching Battlestar Galactica reruns, playing Klingon Boggle, or doing quantum mechanics and differentials, they are left baffled by the mysteries of a woman showering in their place.

“What are you trying to accomplish here?” Sheldon

That’s a good question. Once we’re passed their use of the “No more tears Darth Vader shampoo”, we’re left with the issue of their difficulty in developing relationships. The awkwardness, the desire to relate—and we’re left asking “Why bother?” Why get involved in the game, the silliness, the drama? Why put yourself through the emotional roller coaster over and over again? Why invest or risk so much of your self-esteem, self-image, and personal happiness on the possibility of going out with someone? Why do we end up defining ourselves, our well being, and our worth through the eyes of another? Why, as a friend put it, do we insist on continuing to date after so many heart wrenching, near life-destroying, pain-inducing, love experiences (and then remain hopeful that the next dating experience will be different)?

One word: intimacy.

We might as well ask why form friendships or any relationships at all. Everyone wants to be loved and be loved by someone. Everyone wants to know and be known by someone. When people speak of intimacy--trying to define what it is they are wanting–they talk about genuine trust, vulnerability, and transparency. They want to feel connected to someone. This sense of connectedness is a characteristic that we want in all of our close relationships. We want to share our lives, be accepted, and be intimate with others. Especially an other.

We are hard-wired for intimacy; we’re relational beings. Augustine spoke of a God-sized hole within each of us - essentially that is that built in need for intimacy. Just as there was an intra-Trinitarian intimacy before creation, so–as His image bearers–do we share this need for intimacy. The pursuit of intimacy is similar to our pursuit of God. We seek that communion, that connection with him as well as with others. God created us with a yearning for relationships from the beginning (Genesis 2:18) when He said “‘It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him.’”

The Big Bang Theory has the ultimate outsiders, social clueless yet endearing all the same. I don’t know if we’re meant to be laughing with them or at them, thus pantsing them all over again. Right now, they aren’t fleshed out characters, but still mostly stereotypes not characters, though Sheldon displays the most comic potential. But there are laughs to be found here and possibly a mid-sized hit.


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Stopping the Violence - Being Better Neighbors

A longtime feud between teenage girls is apparently behind a shooting that left the city with its youngest gunshot fatality this year, and a mother and her baby in critical condition Wednesday. The gunfire that killed Ramirez L. Smith Jr., 15, and wounded his pregnant mother was preceded by three skirmishes involving his sister that began at Northwest High School on Tuesday, then escalated throughout the night.

This entire story hits too close to home for a couple of reasons: one, Northwest High School is my alma mater; and two the park where the penultimate confrontation occurred is a stone’s throw from where I moved from a year or so ago (in fact, one of my former neighbors was interviewed for the article). I’m still waiting for the politicians to begin railing against the pandemic “culture of violence,” but that might only be trotted out for school shootings. We’re forced to ask whether we, as citizens, or our elected representatives are neglecting public safety and quality of life issues? What can we, the average person, do to help stem the tide of violent crimes among young people Indianapolis? We keep waiting for folks, politicians, churches, and community leaders to do more than talk. There comes a point where talk is cheap. When you’ve done all you can do to draw attention to a problem and have to come up or join in with a solution.

While it is easy to demonize our “culture of violence” (from our atomized nuclear families, to what passes for our entertainment, and our glorification of guns), those things don’t address the individuals. Our young people often seem determined to sabotage themselves before they get started. Take, for example, the culture of disrespect. Sometimes, when all you have is your name and your rep, your pride becomes of critical (if not overwhelming) importance. Disrespect becomes an assault on one’s sense of being. Couple that mindset with a cultural affirmation of fighting to display toughness, anger at their general situation, and violence as the only problem-solving mechanism at their disposal, and you get incidents that lead such horrific endings.

Yes, we face a systemic problem and education is the only silver bullet we have, especially when combined with the dual values of moral and economic responsibility. We need to begin buying into a worldview that promotes dignity, work, marriage, family, and healthy community. We all have our roles as parents,, leaders, church members, and, frankly, adults to point young people to a better way of living. We need to be giving our teenagers some reason to pursue a full way of living beyond the consuming and materialistic mentality they are being programmed with.

As I’ve said before, there is something ... broken in our culture. There is a love of violence, a seething anger that bubbles just beneath the surface. Maybe we–the people, the community–need to do more to stem the tide of violence where we can and bear our share of the burden. It will be a difficult road because in some ways it goes against the grain of our culture. Around the corner from our old house was a burned out husk of a house with the word “snitch” spray-painted on the side. Still, I’m reminded of the two most important laws, echoing the law experts of Jesus’ day, are to love God and to “love our neighbors as ourselves.” Yet we continue to fail to be good neighbors - we keep looking for loopholes of “who is my neighbor?” So the true question we have to ask ourselves is how can we be better neighbors?


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Life Catch Up and ANNOUNCEMENTS!

After what I hope is my final trip to the doctor for a while, my self-diagnosed case of post-MoCon SARS turned out to be cough variant asthma. Once again, she told me that I may want to consider backing away from the Internet when I have symptoms. After another battery of tests, including an MRI (MRIs suck and are much noisier than they appear on television), it also turns out that I have somehow managed to tear some cartilage in my wrist. I suppose that’s a decent result, since my doctor initially feared carpel tunnels. The downside is that I have to wear a wrist splint for a month … which truly sucks since I do the bulk of my writing long hand.

Speaking of me writing, I am pleased to announce that my short story, "The Ave," will be in the Fall issue of Horror Literature Quarterly this October. This story will be available as a free download, which is great because if there’s one thing I know about fans of mine, it’s that they are broke. In fact, go register now because the magazine is great (and I believe there is a new Tim Lebbon story up exclusive to subscribers. Plus you get access to previous issues, including a story by Nate Southard).

Also in the good news department, October is shaping up to be a great month since I will be the Featured Writer in Apex Science Fiction and Horror Digest. It will mean an interview as well as a reprint of a story of mine that you probably missed the first time around.

I will also be attending the Second Annual Apex Day in Lexington, KY, at the city's Joseph-Beth Booksellers. Apex Day features authors and artists who contribute to Apex Digest; there will be author readings, book signings, art displays and other presentations. Several authors will be participating, including Gary A. Braunbeck, Lucy Snyder, Teri Jacobs, Geoffrey Girard, Alethea Kontis, Michael West, and Douglas F. Warrick (not to mention, artist Carrie Rapp). Plus you get to hang out with the fine Apex staff, Apex editor-in-chief Jason Sizemore and Apex submissions editor Mari Adkins. The event is free, and will go on all afternoon and probably into the evening.

Time and Location:
Saturday, September 22nd starting at 2:00 pm
Joseph-Beth Booksellers (800 248 6849)
161 Lexington Green Circle, Suite B1
Lexington KY 40503

If you can’t catch up with us there, you can find us the following weekend (September 28 – 30) at ConText 20 in Columbus, OH. Apex Publications will be hosting a room party September 29th.

Also, my friend, J.C. Hay was recently interviewed. Go check it out. And writer Richard Dansky asked Alice Henderson to participate in Five For Writing, a feature on his website in which he puts five questions to different writers. Go check it out.


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Friday Night Date Place – Communication

Relationships boil down to trust and communication. (Okay, if you’re like me, you may suck at one, so you have to be stellar at the other). Communication is the glue AND plaster of a relationship: it holds it together and smooths over holes.

Effective communication is how you learn about one another, how you set a vision for the relationship, how you resolve disagreements, how you get along in the present (talking is the stuff you do between making out), and how you plan for the future (raising kids, handle money, etc.). In other words, communication is a skill set you have to learn or you will have rough times ahead.

The idea of communication is a broad one, and I’m sure I’ll be taking several swipes at this, so I’m going to focus on one idea. At the risk of you making me turn in my guy card, I once read a book called the Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. Essentially, it put forth the idea that people communicate in five different ways and that people have to learn how they and their significant others speak and hear their “love language”. The five languages are (from his site):

1. Words of Affirmation - Mark Twain once said “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Verbal appreciation speaks powerfully to persons whose primary Love Language is “Words of Affirmation.” Another way to communicate through “Words of Affirmation” is to offer encouragement.

2. Quality Time - Quality time is more than mere proximity. It’s about focusing all your energy on your mate. Quality conversation is very important in a healthy relationship. It involves sharing experiences, thoughts, feelings and desires in a friendly, uninterrupted context.

3. Receiving Gifts - Some mates respond well to visual symbols of love. If you speak this love language, you are more likely to treasure any gift as an expression of love and devotion. People who speak this love language often feel that a lack of gifts represents a lack of love from their mate. Luckily, this love language is one of the easiest to learn.

4. Acts of Service - Sometimes simple chores around the house can be an undeniable expression of love. Even simple things like laundry and taking out the trash require some form of planning, time, effort, and energy. Just as Jesus demonstrated when he washed the feet of his disciples, doing humble chores can be a very powerful expression of love and devotion to your mate. It is important to do these acts of service out of love and not obligation.

5. Physical Touch - Many mates feel the most loved when they receive physical contact from their partner. For a mate who speaks this love language loudly, physical touch can make or break the relationship. Sexual intercourse makes many mates feel secure and loved in a marriage. However, it is only one dialect of physical touch.

As it happens, I am primarily an acts of service and secondarily a physical touch person, while my wife is primarily a quality time and secondarily … a quality time person. So obviously there was a time when we had to figure out how best to communicate even something as simple as how we felt about one another. This is just one aspect of communication. I’m positive I’ll be re-visiting this topic.


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Two Weeks – A Review

For my dad’s 50th birthday, my sister and I did a videotape interview of him. We wanted to capture what he was like, his story, any words of wisdom, and just preserve a general sense of the man who raised us so that he could leave a legacy for his grandkids. Because we never know how much time we have left on this earth, to be with our love ones, and we never want to take that time for granted.

In the same vein, Two Weeks follows what happens when a group of siblings come together to watch their mother, Anita Bergman (Sally Fields) die from ovarian cancer over the aforementioned time span. The various family tensions that bubble up, the sibling rivalries, the dealing with impending grief, and pulling together as a family. Though I loathe the term “dramedy”, that is what the movie aims to be, though it has too little of the comedy and the drama is done with the subtlety of an intense afterschool special.

“You can’t problem solve your way out of this one.” –Anita

The dying process (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance) is an individual matter. Terminal illness completely takes over daily living and normality seems to cease. Months of agonized waiting, treatments, and resignation tinged with anger (at the body’s betrayal, at having to depend on others, at being a burden). Feelings of fear (of loneliness, of the unknown) and anticipatory grief over loss (of friends, self-control, identity) mix, and contradict, with feelings of hope, determination, and acceptance.

They face the loss of integrity as an individual, which in one of the most painful forms of suffering we experience. This loss of dignity leads to feeling isolated and lonely as the disease progresses. This is the reality of dying. That very reality, the realization of our brief time on t this earth should lead to some weighty reflection.

“Mom’s dying. That’s what religion is for.” –Emily (Julianne Nicholson)

The tone of Anita and her family's lives changed as they realized how precious their time together was. Petty bickering and even the internal familial stress of caring for the dying are put aside as well as put into perspective as the whole family has to struggle to come to terms with the painful reality of saying goodbye.

Death is the one enemy that can’t be beaten and can’t be thwarted, at least not by running from it or trying to out-maneuver it. Dying reflects our ultimate lack of control. Yet even in the embers of life, we find meaning in the support system we have built with our life, the relationships we have forged. Like how family and friendship are beautiful forms of love, providing genuine opportunities for our need for intimacy to be met and serve as a protection against isolation and loneliness.

“There’s an instruction manual … it’s too bad no one ever comes back and tells these guys if they got it right.” –Keith (Ben Chaplin)

Death may be our ultimate destination, the great nothing that awaits us all, however, it isn’t the end. A verse in the book of Isaiah (25:8) tells us that “He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove the disgrace of his people from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.” If nothing else, we know that we were created as relational beings and that we live in the context of family. And with them we have and leave a legacy of love.

It must be that time of year for downer personal movies. Like Self-Medicated grew out of the personal experience of its writer/director, in this case, Steve Stockman. For such a universally relatable topic, the movie falls rather flat. There are a couple of clever bits—the playing cards for left over meds, the redefining of the phrase “blow me”—none of which manages to save the movie. Sadly, the movie lacked a spark, any intense performance this type of movie is especially suited for, without which it seemed interminable. Instead of grief, we’re left with indifference. Two Weeks felt so much like true life random family moments, your time would be just as well spent calling together a family dinner. And enjoying what time you have left with them.


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Thor – A Review

Written by: J. Michael Straczynski
Art by: Olivier Coipel
Published by: Marvel Comics

How many times—Marvel Comics can you hear me?—how many times are we going to keep re-launching Thor? Seriously, you are screwing up my comic book collection with all of these updates and start overs. I get that you want to jettison some of the continuity issues that come with a title whose number should be around 600, but at some point, you ought to just switch writers and move on rather than start over at number one.

It's pointless denying that I have a pro-J. Michael Straczynski bias (Book of Lost Souls, Squadron Supreme, Silver Surfer: Requiem). Still, other than Neil Gaiman, I can’t think of too many writers better suited to writing the return of Thor. Thor, continuity issues aside, is a character with a rich and deep mythos to draw from, which places him right in the wheelhouse of certain writers.

Thor has been off the scene for about three years, missing many critical Marvel Universe turning points, like The House of M and Civil War. Momentum has built for his return and issue one brings back not just Thor, but his main alter ego, Donald Blake. Some might complain about the book’s slow start, as Thor has to essentially question where he is and, more importantly, who he is. It’s an “all talk” issue and Straczynski’s character tend to speak with an exaggerated gravitas (which actually works better with a character like Thor). The set up is necessary as the reader, as well as Thor himself, is re-introduced to the character.

“We stand in the presence of a profound truth.” –Donald Blake

The thing that impresses me most about Straczynski’s take on Thor is that he remembers that Thor is a god. Kind of like when Peter David and Christopher Priest realized that Aquaman and the Black Panther, respectively, were monarchs. There is an arrogance, an air of superiority, that should be a part of their characterizations.

Thor as god-man intrigues because the incarnation is a profound truth and mystery. This is reminiscent of what is called Jesus Christ’s condescension in Philippians 2:5-11, the idea that God would take His essence, wrap Himself in human likeness, and humble Himself by coming from heaven to be like one of us on earth. To know passion, loss, pain, love. To know what it means to die. And just as Thor breaks the Ragnorak cycle, Christ broke the death cycle, of our going our own way, left to our own devices, with fear, doubt, and insecurity, trapped in a cycle of spiritual death.

“That kind of alone must be the hardest thing in the whole world.” –neighbor

Issue two of the series follows Thor’s attempts to rebuild and recreate Asgard. In other words, it is Thor’s search for his community. Perichoresis is one of those big theological words used to describe the concept of God as the Trinity (the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit). It has the same root from which we also get the idea of choreography; except here it is used to describe the Trinity as a divine dance since each of the persons of the Trinity is always in movement together. Think of God as being complete unto Himself, the Trinity in eternal community–creating from an overflow of that dynamic love. He then created us to participate in this dance, to move in our lives in movement with His rhythm.

Thor is a series of small moments, characterization and plot in haiku, almost. Straczynski reduces the convoluted history of Thor to a few panels and brings him back clean. It’s such a low-key return of an iconic character, it may leave one a little befuddled. For example, I don’t quite know how I feel about the art of Olivier Coipel. It certainly has a cinematic feel and the Spartan story line thus far leaves plenty of room to show off his art work. The art is deceptively simple, effortlessly getting to the emotion of a scene without being bogged down in minutiae. The story is at once emotional, lyrical, mythic and delicate. That’s quite the balancing act for a character who basically does a “Hulk smash” routine while spouting Shakesparean-lite dialogue.


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World War Hulk – A Review

Written by: Greg Pak
Art by: John Romita Jr.
Published by: Marvel Comics

“Not So Jolly Green Giant”

During Peter David’s classic run on the Incredible Hulk, he had the Hulk give this prescient warning that for every time he was moved against, he would level a city. Here we are, many years later, and the Hulk prepares to do just that. Not that he hasn’t had sufficient provocation. Reminiscent of the events of Incredible Hulk #300, just prior to the Civil War, the Hulk was deemed too great a threat to be allowed to just wander about at will, so a group of individuals Dr. Strange (conductor of the aforementioned issue #300 debacle), Black Bolt (leader of the Inhumans), Iron Man, and Mr. Fantastic (leader of the Fantastic Four) decide to jettison him off into space. This led to the events of the Planet Hulk storyline (familiar to any long time readers of the Hulk. See: Jarella): he ends up the planet Sakaar. He rises to the top, falls in love, loses it all, and returns home. Now joined by warbound, sworn soldier allies/his personal army, he’s what you call, let me search for the technical language, pissed.

“You say you’re his friend, but all you’re doing is dragging him straight to hell.” –Rick Jones

On one level, World War Hulk is about consequences. Everyone wants to be redeemed, to have some meaning attached to their lives. Hulk found his at Sakaar and it was taken away from him. No matter how bad the life one has lead, they can always make a break and start anew. However, even if they are forgiven their past, there may still be consequences for that past – in this case, for the Hulk as well as for those responsible for his situation.

“Someday we warbound will pay for the rage in our hearts.” –Hiroim

In a lot of ways, the Hulk is dealt with as a force of nature, a green apocalypse. The angrier he gets, the stronger he gets - and he has never been angrier. He also has been portrayed as a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde sort of character. Bruce Banner, his sometime alter ego, engages in a battle against the enemy within, an impurity of men's souls which, in his case especially, is symbolized by the destructive, self-defeating power of anger.
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This corrupting nature brings with it a cycle of destruction, warping man's sense of right and wrong, and spirals into a pattern of fear, violence, and death. The need to deal with this taint is one view of how redemption works. Sometimes this comes out as wrestling with the idea of man having a darker nature to resist, restrain, or kill; that we have a corrupted self within us (a sentiment that echoes Romans 6:6). We all need to see the need to walk away from our old lives and embrace a new one. We have to opt out of a worldview of selfishness, one that promotes the death cycle.

“I’m searching for a hero … the only one who can defeat and redeem the Hulk in the same instant.” –Dr. Strange

As Rick Jones reminds us, “A hero wants justice. Not revenge.” It’s a lesson we’re all waiting for the Hulk to learn because there’s no plot beyond the Hulk coming for his list of the four conspirators. Planet Hulk’s entire raison d’etre is to be a revenge movie. Not much of a plot, per se, only a countdown to the revenge moment in which we are invited along to enjoy the ride. It’s the plot of Kill Bill … in spandex, fight scenes strung together and about as satisfying. I’m reminded of the book The Punisher Kills the Marvel Universe. However, it was a one-shot compared to a drawn out 5 issue rampage. But at least you get to enjoy John Romita Jr. artwork.


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Silver Surfer: Requiem – A Review

Written by: J. Michael Straczynski
Art by: Esad Ribic
Published by: Marvel Comics

"Silver Savior"

The only cool thing about the Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer was the appearance of the Silver Surfer. Indeed, the Silver Surfer has enjoyed decades of popularity, including long solo comic runs, which somehow has never translated into a larger scale production (there was much talk of a Silver Surfer movie during the 80s and 90s that never saw fruition).

Silver Surfer: Requiem strikes as an odd way to capitalize on the rising tide of his popularity. Not to mention that it is difficult to write poignant, meaningful stories with near-omnipotent characters in a medium where death means little to nothing. Yet, we’re made to get emotionally involved with the life and death of Norrin Radd, the man within the Silver Surfer. Once again, J. Michael Straczynki’s (Book of Lost Souls, Strange) brand of self-important dialogue again matches nicely with his choice of subject.

Reminiscent of the Jim Starlin classic, The Death of Captain Marvel (now rendered moot with his recent return), the Silver Surfer is dying. The silver coating is breaking down, with the symptomatic effects of a fast progressing nerve degeneration disease. What we are left with is a series of good-byes as the measure of a life is reflected upon.

The Silver Surfer first experienced a born again moment with the Fantastic Four. Until then, he was a man who sacrificed his life for those of his people, opting to become the herald of the planet devourer, Galactus, so that sentient lives could be spared. However, he strayed from that mission, but got back in touch with the man he was supposed to be and the life he was supposed to lead after contact with the Fantastic Four.

We don't dwell on death too much. It's probably a a survival mechanism since if we focused too much on it, we might become paralyzed with fear. But that very fear of death can be the springboard to greater life. It allows the mundane to become meaningful. It allows us to get the perspective of the possibility of being fully alive.

“Here is the cycle of life writ large. To be born in fire and live in the bright flame of our passions, illuminating the world around us. We live and die in fire, knowing that when we die, we are reborn in the minds and spirits of those who will follow the path we have lit for them across the ages. The path that one day calls all of us home at the dying of the light.” --Silver Surfer

Living life in light of death means appreciating our friends and family with the time we have to spend with them. Time is a luxury, one we may not have in abundance. Living life in light of death means to love, to let people know how you feel, and live in light of an eventual good-bye. It means living life with no regrets. So that leaves the question "how are you going to spend today?"

“People can’t change what they are until and unless they understand what they can be. “ –Spider-Man

For the Silver Surfer, it meant living a life of freedom. He held to a vision of peace. The Sentinel of the Spaceways is the personification of hope who models what people should aspire to be. He has the power to rip apart the sun, yet he uses his cosmic might to defend the innocent and the oppressed. His life echoes the story of Christ in that he left a mark “to remind them of the man who had made peace his cause, his life, and who had ultimately died in its service.”

“The light of hope, the light of love, the light of possibilities.” –the Watcher

Straczynski wrings genuine moments of emotion out from the smaller encounters in the Silver Surfer’s journey. He understands